Aug 31, 2005

Who am I?

The small town I live in knows no poverty. Everyone has a job to do and everyone prospers. We're all very cheery to each other. The town leader is a kindly old man whose collected wisdom has proven invaluable over and over again. Many regard me as the smartest man in the town, although many times I don't get the respect I deserve.

The other townsfolk feel like I lecture them too much or that I'm too quick to go to the town leader whenever one of them makes a mistake. The allegation is asinine, of course, I am merely acting as a responsible citizen who one day hopes to become town leader myself.

Who am I?


Last time:

Pic Of The Day

"Look, Mom!! I drew Spongebob funny!!"

By LeahMorgan Age 3

Aug 29, 2005

This Day Friggin' Sucks.

If you're not up for feeling down and/or hearing why I am for the night, don't read it. Just giving anyone looking this way a heads-up.

I'm at work when she calls, saying she needs to tell me something & asking that I don't get mad @ her. I automatically know what it's about. It was supposed to have been left behind already. I start disclaiming that if I hang up on her, I'm not through w/ our friendship; that's just my response & I'm done for the rest of the day. She immediately pleads for me to hear her out. I hear the same song & dance from before, and it sounds like she's not only ready to go back but commit more than previous times. I could only reiterate my unchanged disapproval as well as the defeated assumptation that she sounds set on where she wants to go with it. Great: just realized I now know how Tom Cruise felt when his dumbass son wouldn't be denied a chance to run headlong into unwordly gunfire & see the army get vaporized. (Hey it made my friends cry during the movie). Crappy reception forced our most emotional conversation to stop early, leaving me feeling like shit while actually appreciating my own foolish woes, which had kept me from talking to her as often as we usually do. Timely Ongoing Distraction = Silver F'n Lining.

When I get home, my roommate tells me that one of our friends lost her mother in a car accident. A tragedy as it is, but what made this even more gut-wrenching was the fact that the victim was driving with her husband, son, & 4 month old grandson (my friend's baby). My friend's father was already paralyzed from a stroke & her brother is mentally challenged. This left the mom as the one to take care of them. Both the father & brother are in serious condition, and tests are still being done on the baby, who is my friend's only child but 2nd pregnancy after the 1st baby was lost to a miscarriage. I was hoping she & her husband had the bad luck behind them.

My heart broke twice today. I'll just turn in early tonight & move forward tomorrow, where another live performance (with 40oz. pre-show) with friends await after plantation toiling. Shiet I had a couple of Random incidents around me today, but I lost focus of them by the time I got home. Maybe returning a blogteam member's call will keep me from getting too mopey. Usually does.

Pic of the Day

Aug 28, 2005

Not much time...

Better make this new neighbor is on her way to get me & bring me back to her place, where she needs help hooking up her dvd, tv, etc. It's almost like something out of a movie. Oops she's outside. Gotta go. Man I just got home, too.

Nothing's gonna happen. It's just peculiar.

Who am I?

I'm the outdoors type. I make my own fire and weapons -- the weapons are more for defensive purposes, to protect myself from all kinds of beasts. I almost bought the farm once, though, when I broke my leg trying to get away from one those aforementioned "beasts", but luckily I was saved by a family that was new to the area. And they even made a splint for my leg to help it heal.

That family was also the outdoorsy type and we eventually became great friends. And truth be told, I've got a thing for the cute daughter.

Who am I?


Last time:

Random Quote From The Plantation

My supe Lori walking around within our unit: "Just wanted to go around and say Hi and see how everyone is doing with the programs.....(Terrence)....I can't tell with him because he's a man so he doesn't express his feelings."

Aug 26, 2005

Tales of the Somewhat Strange and Creepy

A common feature of sideshows, a Fiji Mermaid (also Feejee Mermaid) is a mummified body of something, supposedly a creature that was half mammal and half fish.
The original exhibit was popularized by circus great Phineas Taylor Barnum, but has since been copied many times in other attractions, including the collection of famed showman Robert Ripley.
Barnum's preserved mermaid was allegedly caught in 1842 by a "Dr. J. Griffin." Griffin was actually Levi Lyman, a close associate of P.T. Barnum. This original exhibit was shown around the United States, but was lost in the 1860s when Barnum's museum caught fire. In reality, it was either the work of Indonesian craftsman using paper mache and materials from exotic fish or the tail of a fish and a torso of a baby orangutan, stitched together with the head of a monkey.

Who am I?

I'm a bit of a paradox. I've taken six brave young children and given them each considerable power. I send them on fantastic adventures, but only give them strange riddles to guide them. And every step of the way, they grow in power and in character. For what reason? I'm not sure if even I know. It has been quite the rollercoaster ride for my young friends as they try to find their way home.

Who am I? And no, I am NOT Zordon. He used "five teenagers with attitude."


Last time:

Aug 25, 2005

Spread Gun

Like the vaunted "S" gun of the original Contra game, this will be all over the place.

- Saw Red Eye & Wedding Crashers within the last week. My brother (& Freefall) was right: Rachel McAdams is Hat. Not just Hot. Hat.

- I hope my blog matter stays exclusive (as possible) to the select audience. This is the hole in the woods I yell into & cover back up. When I began this I informed one person, who lost the link. As of now, I enjoy the freedom of venting w/o any repercussion or consequence.

- Another 40 oz. dash coming next week. I better get a super burrito for lunch and for the drive home after work. wtf. Little Brother will either be the best/worst show ever. I'm far from a polished product.

- The work desktop today went from Snorlax to My Neighbor Totoro to the Bs to Chloe the dog. In light of recent events I'm sticking to fat beasts. Real or Animated. Sorry for any disappoint or letdown, fellas.

- The kindness of people towards a stranger's worthy cause is humbling & a wonder to behold...even if the hottest woman in their respective lives is the one soliciting donations.

- See you good people @ the Tattoo Expo.

Pic of the Day

Now only if they would make his chest exposing shirt and medallion...


A Diamond Select Release! As Cobra's chief arms supplier, Destro was a key player in the terrorist organization's attempts at global domination. Now you can add Destro's famous mask to your collection with this full-sized mask replica! Standing an impressive 14" tall and designed by Plan B each replica is made of metal and has a sealed shut hinge! The Destro Mask features a hand-numbered box with matching Certificate of Authenticity. Limited to 1,000 pieces and in stores January 2006.

Three Little Birds - Bob Marley

"Don't worry about a thing, coz every little thing is going to be alright"

I was falling asleep at my cube. My eyes was getting heavy and out of no where this song come up on my IPOD. If you ever need something to pick your spirits up, listen to this song. It is so positive. What a message Bob sends to his listeners.

But if you hate your job, fighting w/a loved one, contemplating death (Don't listen to this song, get some help, if your contemplating death), etc etc...Listen to "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley.

I'm actually wide awake listening to this song 4 or 5 times as I write this. I have a little more energy now at work.

Maybe later today or tomorrow, I'll write another blog on what comes up on my IPOD.

Thanks for reading....

Aug 24, 2005

Tales of the Somewhat Strange and Creepy

another scary ebay auction courtesy of :

The RocknRoll Zombie..

"A kid that lived on my street when I was growing up was rumored to be into devil worship, seances, Aleister Crowley, Black Magic, and other dark endeavors of the Spirit World. (Strangely, despite the youth's somewhat dweebish appearance, he was quite popular: Guys in the neighborhood wanted to be him; girls thought they could change him...)
His mother (a propagating practitioner of the Pagan Arts) informed me that the neophyte necromancer was born in June of '66, and died tragically on Halloween, October 31, 1979, when he was just thirteen years old. (His death has never been solved, but the calamitous kid was found lying on his bed with THIS GUITAR draped across him, apparently electrocuted, though the guitar wasn't plugged into an amplifier! Additionally, when the damnable corpse of this soulless stooge of Satan was eventually discovered, a 45 record of Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" was playing repeatedly on the Mephistophelean moppet's GE Wildcat record changer!! A Swanson TV Dinner--turkey, with all the fixin's--remained uneaten, while the air was thick with the acrid smell of sulfur emanating from some perverse potion the young hellion had been mixing with his Li'l Gilbert Chemistry Set. The licentious lad's Farrah Fawcett Swimsuit Poster mockingly stared down upon the dead boy, as if to say, "See you in hell, Buster!" Somewhere, a dog barked.)
Years later, I ran into the defunct boy's mother, and when I told her that I was a professional guitarist, she offered me her devilish, daisy-pushin' son's git-fiddle.
Since I've owned this guitar, I've heard the strings discordantly ring out, despite no one being near the guitar. Further, on three occasions I put the guitar in my bedroom closet, only to find the guitar on my bed when I returned home (and I live alone!). The final straw occurred when I saw the guitar levitate out of the trash can I had somberly placed it in."

for those interested,click here

What's Your Desktop? --Thongchai Jaidee

Ok..Langdon..Here it is :

At home:this is Alyssa Jaidan (my god daugther, she is one crazy kid, she turns 2 in Nov, this pic is old!)

At work:Pebble Beach Hole # 7

I haven't changed my desktop in months. Maybe one day, i'll change em to some Jpop girl haha

What's Your Desktop? --*wink*

I have 2 Desktops in my life: Home & Work. Since I spend hella time in front of each, they get equal time here. The home one is changed every few days, while the work one is rotated constantly...sometimes repeatedly within a day. My mind is a bit more scattered & easily distracted @ work.

My home screen of the moment: My buddy Manny doing the Heisman Trophy pose w/ his newborn son Devin. Im happy as hell for the newly expanded family, and I'm honored to claim that my friends & I took him to see Nautica Thorn & Aesop Rock right before he officially assumed fatherhood responsibilities.

My work screen of the literal moment: Friends of mine whom, through a consistent barrage of during-work emails/texts/ph calls, manage to keep themselves close to my thoughts throughout the day. My work rotation is pretty much friends, fat animals, and random pix from forwards that are actually worth keeping. By tomorrow, I think Snorlax will crack the rotation. Actually found a pick of him cheering/laughing.

Shit's about to hit the fan. Getting worried.

Who am I?

I consider my life to be very fun. I love persuing men and they appreciate a woman like me. Often times, my roommates disapprove of my flirty nature -- but they can sit around and be old maids, that leaves more for me!

Not that my life has been a constant orgy, for most of my life I was married to my high school sweetheart, but I am currently a widow. Some have said that my promiscuity is my way of trying to find the next great love of my life.

Well screw them, it's none of their business!

Who am I?


Last time:

What's Your Desktop? --Freefall Jones

Paranoia Agent:


What's Your Desktop?--poshmom

This is what I have on my desktop. Aw!! NOAH LOWRY!! I've always LOVED the Giants and even though they aren't TOO HOT right now I still watch them. But I'm only interested if this guy is pitching. I know you all saw the game Monday night when this HOTTIE pitched a GREAT game. MMMMM....HMMMM!!!!

What's Your Desktop?....

I thought it would be a good idea (actually, I'm just nosy) if the youropinondoesntcount team would show off what picture they currently have on there computer it would be a perfect way for those lurkers who don't contribute *cough* Thongchai Jaidee to add a little something to the blog.. so simply create a new post with the title "What's Your Desktop?" and your name..

This is Aya Matsuura, another one of the jpop queens I'm so infatuated with and she currently adorns my computer screen..

Stuffed Savory Herb & Cream Cheese Pretzel

Kim & Scott's Gourmet Pretzel Company isn't screwing around when they say "savory." The smell of this pretzel cooking is enough to make your mouth water. Quite simply, this is the best pretzel I've ever had.

Screw hard mini-pretzels. Screw Pretzel Time and their stale, heat-lamp, wiry pretzels. Screw the doughy flavorless "gourmet" pretzels you get at the movie theaters.

This savory herb pretzel is loaded with herbs (as evidenced by the green flecks on top), and is STUFFED with cream cheese. How excellent does that sound? I feel like starting a new trend and eat it on a plate with a knife and fork.


Aug 23, 2005

What's My Age Again?

I, or anyone else years removed from high school, have no business drinking a 40 oz. for recreation. Nonetheless, I've had one occasionally in the last few years. Helluva buzz, but I've always kept control of my self. Even helped me shed the shyness w/o losing sense of tact. I guess the stomach-insulating dinner was a necessary part of the ritual. I didn't realize how necessary until last week @ the A's game.

My diehard A's fan roomies offered an extra ticket, which I accepted after finding out my been-awhile friends Tony & Harry were going to the game. As with the last couple of times we've hung out, Tony calls & asks if I want to drink up before the game. I agree, & we decide on 40s for our cheap buzz. I make the pick-up, choosing Steel Reserve. I figured I'd add some variety to the usual Ol' E / St. Ides rotation. We arrive @ the game & my roomies go on ahead while Tony & I work on our stuff. The plan was to have the $1 taquitos insulate the stomach from the alcohol. The oversight to that was we didn't order any food until we got inside, which we didn't do until we emptied our f'n bottles. That left a well-digested lunch whopper as my only shield against the hastily-downed 40. I was pretty much in trouble by the time we finally met up. I walked near the top of the upper deck before my roommies yelled to me, saying I passed them & went too far up.

Except puking in the arena bathroom on the way out, I don't remember anything else. I don't remember capping on everyone around us, including 2 young girls who apparently took the brunt of my abuse & relocated to other seats. I don't remember standing up with one foot on a seat ("like Capt. Morgan", according to Tony) and berating anyone on the field in an A's or Orioles uniform. I don't even remember going home. I just woke up in the clothes I wore that night (including my hat & hoodie), my keys, phone, & wallet still in my pocket, & a fat hangover. I went to the damn game, & I had to ask someone who won that night. Tony called later that day to check on me. I made it to work, & I had worse hangovers in the past but I was concerned about my conduct affecting us. I'm surprised I didn't get kicked out or had my ass kicked. Tony said it was funny & amusing, nothing more. My roomies laughed it off when I apologized. They're some tolerant-ass people. Moral of the story: eat a full lunch & dinner before drinking that 40. Im always embarassed whenever folks fill in the blanks for my alcohol-induced memory lapses. At the same time, I've laughed and done much of the same for other friends and relatives, so live & let live.

Cursed Pic Of the Day....

found this on ebay...

"It all started when we moved from Florida to Ohio. We came here to try and live a new life. We moved into this suburban home and all things looked great. Nice house, quiet neighborhood, great new start to our lives. We unpacked all our belongings and ordered new furniture. Things had been going smoothly.
We wanted to see the attic as our Previous Owners didn't mention of the small door in the ceiling in our closet. My Wife and I were bored one Saturday and we decided to see what was in the attic. We went up there and found some old empty boxes that had been left behind. One of the boxes had in black marker written "NEVER OPEN" Well since we aren't too scared of many things we got excited and busted it open. Inside were blankets, dolls, pillows, old picture's of this old house, Ouija Board, Book on Witchcraft, candles, salt, old bottles, rope and in the bottom was this doll that is a Seymour Mann doll. We left the items in the box and took the Seymour Mann doll and took it down stairs to put up because my Wife liked it and thought it would go nice in our daughters room.
After about 2 weeks we could hear crying, like a young girl crying. Looked in our bedroom to make sure one of the kids didn't leave the television on in our room or a radio. Even looked outside to see if our neighbors were out. Nothing. One morning the kids had woke and were playing in their room. My Wife had got up to use the restroom and glancing into the bedroom she yelled out in horror. Scared the living daylights out of her. Above the kids was the doll levitating in mid air. The kids hadn't even noticed it, they were playing, the kids screamed out after my Wife ran into their room and dragged them out. They were horrified and the doll fell to the ground.
I awoke and the kids and my Wife were in the hallway. My Wife wanted me to throw the doll out. I asked her what was wrong and she told me it was levitating above the kids as they were playing. I was skeptical and didn't listen to her, I assured her that she had just woke up and maybe she was sleep walking.
After a few days everything calmed down. We were in the living room and watching Seabiscuit. We heard some more crying. All the kids were in the living room with us. I went into the rooms and looked and nothing. The crying had stopped.
A few days later the kids were playing again in their room. I went to check on the kids and to my surprise I saw the doll levitating above the kids as they were playing. The kids were looking at the doll and talking to it. I yelled at the kids to come to me but they didn't want to leave playing. They asked why and I told them to get out of the room. When they did the doll followed them, we ran into the living room and the doll came there also. I was ready to swing on the doll and then it left the room back down the hallway. I told the kids to stay and I went to see where the doll was. I looked around the corners and discovered it was back on my daughters dresser and there was an orb floating near the doll, then it vanished.
My whole families life has been changed by this experience. My kids call her Rosemary. They play and the doll just levitates from the living room to the bedroom where the kids play. We haven't seen the doll go to any of the other rooms. I would really like for this doll to go. I'm afraid that the kids have become immune to a floating doll around the house and it's not a normal lifestyle. I can see it now, we have a doll that floats around the room when we play together. Yeah that would sound nice for the Preacher at our Church to hear.
Please take this doll off our hands, the kids don't need Rosemary around and my Wife is getting a little freaked out and wanting to move back to Florida."

click here for auction link...

Aug 22, 2005

Who am I?

As a law enforcement officer, I was quite the teen idol. My fellow officers, of course, became jealous of my notoriety. My partner even left me and I got stuck with a rookie.

After I left the force I had trouble finding work, but finally got a steady job as a truck driver. I consider that my favorite job -- probably because of the two beautiful women fighting over me.

Alas, all good things come to an end and these days you can find me working two jobs. I'm either selling property in Northern California, or I'm slipping into my wetsuit at an underwater research facility.

Who am I?


Last time:

Pic of the Day..

"My superpower?...making people feel REEEEALLY uncomfortable..."

Aug 21, 2005

Pretty Sneaky, Sis.

Maybe I'm late on this one but I'm wondering if this lovely young woman's formula for her "working name" was just swapping the first syllable of her real first name & the initial of her real last name. Good one, Leilani. So hot. Hot hot heat.

New Game: Who am I?

Guess the famous person.

I was born in Paris and had a very successful career as an artist, photographer, and actor. I may have suffered from a dysfunction (which my father attempted to have cured at several institutions), but I embraced my uniqueness much to the chagrin of others who suffered the same dysfunction.

In my acting career, I've faced off against James Bond and would also announce the arrival of guests to a tropical paradise. I was a bit difficult to work with, and I got fired from a television show (that was cancelled not long after I was let go, ...HA!)

Later in my life, I became alcholohic and depressive, which led to my eventual suicide.

Who am I?


Aug 20, 2005

More Ego Masturbation

Real quick, Freefall Jones and I have decided to team up and join DeviantArt, a website devoted to artists not good enough to make it as professionals. So go to go to RIGHT NOW to see our first (and only) masterpiece. Freefall will tell you that I drew it in pencil and he colored it and set the background, really bringing the drawing to life. But he's lying through his teeth like always. Okay, go NOW and witness the brilliance. I just love ego masturbation. Yeah...EGO masturbation...that's right...

Son of Gigan

Aug 18, 2005

...NEWS FLASH!!!!..

From the Weekly World News....

AN EXCITING breakthrough in aging has just been discovered -- women who go topless live longer!

"According to our research, women can add 10, 20, up to 30 years to their lives, depending on how frequently and for what duration of time they uncover their breasts," states Dr. Andrew Mansfield, director of BRIA -- the Breast Research Institute of America. "And the more they display them out in public, the longer they live."

"The results are frankly astounding," says Eleanor Zeitzer, founder of the International Institute of Aging Studies. "And as a result, we've amended our company's dress code to allow female employees to work topless. Almost all of them have taken advantage of this new freedom, and as an additional positive result, absenteeism of male employees is down to zero." High-school student Peter Strokemeir, 17, looks forward to the survey's results motivating more women to go topless. "I spend an average of two hours a day looking through my binoculars and telescope trying to catch women undressing in their apartment windows. "If more of them would start walking around with their gajoombas on display, I wouldn't have to spend all that time on research."


A while ago, I blogged about "B&C". B was concerned about C taking a quick liking to me despite having a man who she's already cheated on once. It got to the point that I didn't want to be around them and I needed a break blah blah blah. Since that time I've calmed considerably, especially after voicing my concerns with both Bs (Oh yeah there's actually 2 Bs. They have the same opinion so I'll keep them together, although the original B is much more emphatic.) & assuring them that nathing will be a big deal. B even kept composure when I was out w/ her & C this week.

I'm actually at the point where I think the storyline is fading. I'm not making a big deal of anything. B looks like she's getting there, & C hasn't done anything beyond some texting & being touchy in person (which isn't straying from the script @ this point).

My "fading storyline" opinion just may get tested this weekend. I made plans w/ B&C to watch a movie tomorrow, but B just found out that she's going out of town tomorrow morning w/ her family until Sunday. B2 is already out of town until Monday. Guess who still wants to watch a movie w/ me? B & I talked it over when she 1st found out she was leaving & we both agreed it'll probably be incident-free. Whether or not she really likes me, I'll most likely have more outings w/ C once she moves to my town next weekend so I might as well get used to it. I never said C was shitty company anyway....she's cool folks so far. This will probably be the last blog on the B&C story unless the story takes a dramatic turn. I don't know about you guys but I hope it doesn't, & I don't think it will for the forseeable future.

Pic of the Day

....Oh that Bat Boy...will you ever learn?.....


The Japanese rule. That's been a long-held opinion of mine ever since I saw Kikaida when I was four years old living in Hawaii. Here's a new reason they rule: Kidsbeer. If this product was marketed to kids here in America, parents' groups, liberals, conservatives, EVERYONE would go apeshit. Here's more info on the product designed to create more drunken Japanese businessmen for crazy game shows:

Satoshi Tomoda, president of the beverage maker, said: "Children copy and mimic adults. If you get this drink ready on such occasions as events and celebrations attended by kids, it would make the occasions even more entertaining. The Kidsbeer label captures a nostalgic mood as it was modeled after classic beer labels."

"Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink," reads the product's advertising slogan.

Greatest slogan EVER.


Aug 17, 2005

PERCOCET - My Friend and Yours...

I had minor surgery last friday to remove an alien implant/small "growth" from my left forearm..the procedure itself took like 5minutes and was actually pretty cool to watch.... On my way out, I ask my doctor if I would be in any discomfort after the anesthesia wore off...he said probably not but would give me some pain meds just in case....with a smirk on his face, my doctor handed me the little white paper to take to the pharmacy and said, "Here, you'll enjoy these..."

PERCOCET or OXYCODONE or OXYCONTIN(classified as a narcotic/controlled substance)...its the pain killer that all those young punk Hollywood stars are hooked on and the drug that lead to the death of many wrestlers.. but let me tell you...this stuff REALLY helps take the pain away...

Needless to say, I was in some discomfort after the numbing agent wore off so I popped one of those babies in my took awhile for the drug to kick in but when it did...brotha let me tell whole body went numb and I eventually passed out for a good 12hrs.. and I usually take sleeping pills to help me fall asleep at nite but this "magical pill" is way better..

So long story short, if you are ever in enough pain that requires a trip to your local physician for some relief, ask for gets Langdon Alger's seal of approval!

*results may very from person to also depends on the dosage of the doctor was kind enough to give me a pretty good dose...oh and if I didn't mention this before, PERCOCET is HIGHLY ADDICTIVE and should only be taken under doctors supervision blah blah blah blah blah blah.....

Pic of the Day

.....Quite frankly....there's really no need for a caption...

Aug 16, 2005

Sad Eyes Darth Vader Back Fat Tattoo Adventures

It's unconfirmed, but I heard THIS was the new Star Wars TV series (sorry Langdon).


Pic of the Day..exclusive sneak peak at new Star Wars TV Series!!..

...I think the working title for the show is "Corky and the Jedi"...but that can obviously change prior to the shows premiere..."rEveNge uv d tARd" is one of the other possibilities...

Aug 15, 2005

Jasmine Guava Tapioca Ball Tea (cold only)

I wanted to look cool by reading a book in a cafe, so I wandered down to La Myxx to get some tea. I probably should have brought a real book, though, as opposed to Jughead Digest #134.

I'd never been to La Myxx, so the menu was of course, confusing. The board had all the different coffees and tapioca ball (or bubble tea) drinks listed, but the hot tea was posted only as "Select Tea: $3". Was that only one tea? Or a whole list of teas I'm supposed to know the names of? I didn't want to ask--because of the line forming behind me--so I just ordered from the tea ball drinks and got the "Jasmine Guava (cold only)". I'd never had a hot ball drink, and I wasn't ready to get experimental with the Moonlight Spice.

The drink was really good, but now that I think about it, all tea ball drinks pretty much taste the same to me.


The last ever.......YAKOV OF THE DAY....

so it comes to an end...why?..nobody knows....will it ever be replaced?....probably here is the very last...YAKOV OF THE DAY

"Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there. "

Aug 14, 2005

Inside Dish

Hypothetically speaking, what would piss you off more: Sharing dishwashing responsibilities with someone that uses more dishes than you but doesn't always wash them as quickly as you'd like, or whenever they do wash the dishes you need to re-wash them because it was a shitty wash job? Random thought that crossed my mind. Um other than that, played some incident-free basketball today.

Aug 13, 2005

What A Fool Believes

A guy drives his girl away by being an ass & a cheater, then fails to lure her back w/ repeated stalker calls, breaking into her car to go through personal info, & going postal in front of everyone @ their mutual job.

You've got to be a moron to even do that much, but would even someone that stupid think: "Well, all that didn't work. I can't stop thinking about her. How about if I try....ASKING HER HAND IN MARRIAGE! Great idea, me!"

Fortunately he's the only irrational being in that situation. I guess I better return the messages & get the details. It'll be a laugh if nathing else.

"I'm not crazy. I'm just a little impaired." - Matchbox 20

Hillbilly photo montage

Easily, the BEST PHOTO MONTAGE EVER featuring a station wagon/bulldozer.


Aug 12, 2005

A Moment of Clarity

I finally found out what R.S.V.P stands for. I know its meaning has been a mystery that has tortured most of us, especially Freefall Jones, for generations. But as usual, I was the one to step up at and sort things out, leaving the exact definition of R.S.V.P up to my powers of T.C.B. Apparently, R.S.V.P stands for "Respondez Sil Vous Plait," a French term meaning "Please Respond." So when you get a letter with "R.S.V.P" on it, it means that the sender wants you to write back.

It was a bit of a shock to find that out this week. It's not as if I thought that R.S.V.P didn't have a meaning, and that people simply placed the acronym on their letters for a cosmopolitan effect; I'm not an idiot. It's just that "Respondez Sil Vous Plait" is a far cry from what I thought the term actually stood for. Up until two days ago I believed, as I'm sure all of you did, that R.S.V.P meant one thing: Reserve Parking.

I mean, what else could it stand for? It fits perfectly. Of course, now that I think about it, I probably caused a bit of confusion when I'd get letters ending with R.S.V.P, and respond with:

"Cool! I'll take one right in front, preferably in the shade. Like full-size but I can do compact. And put me by a curb so I'm not in between anyone."

No one bothered to write back clarifying this to me, so am I the one with the problem? I think we all know the answer to that. It's no.

Maybe the fact that I didn't get ANY of the parking spots I asked for at ANY of the events I was invited to should've tipped me off that R.S.V.P may have stood for something else. But each time I was so frustrated with my long walk to the gathering point, that I had no choice but to confront the person who invited me, usually a bride or groom, and say, "Some R.S.V.P! Now I'm stuck in the overflow! If you're not going to enforce it don't put it on the invitation!" before angrily trudging to the refreshments table. Again, no one even tried for a second to explain things to me, so is it my fault that I caused a few scenes, and in one unfortunate incident poured a bottle of Snapple on the bride-to-be's head? We know the answer to that one too. It's still no.

So last Wednesday at work, I decided to warm up for my lunch break by researching R.S.V.P on the Internet. Not because I wasn't sure what it stood for, but because I wanted to know why no one who used the term ever went out of their way to save your parking spot after clearly saying they would. Was there supposed to be an extra "P" at the end that stood for "PSYCHE!!!"? If so, that would definitely be what the kids call "jacked up."

And so I stumbled onto "Respondez Sil Vous Plait." Surely the 475,000 matching results had to be incorrect, so I cooled off after my lunch break by diligently researching the acronym's origins. I won't go into them, but I'm sad to announce that we'll all have to fight our conventional wisdom and finally admit that R.S.V.P has nothing to do with parking.

Another thing I won't go into is the absolute absurdity of writing a letter completely in English before closing it with a French acronym. This is the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE. And in AMERICA we speak the QUEEN'S ENGLISH. Love it or leave it, hippies. USA ALL THE WAY, BROTHER.

But I digress. Wait, am I really digressing? I'll have to look that up too. But I'm glad I could do all of you this favor. Right now there are countless numbers of people who will no longer be late for invitational events thinking they have the most convenient parking spots all locked up, all because of my determination to uncover the truth about those four crazy letters that have bedevilled humankind for so long. I will sleep well tonight. You should too. Just not as well as me.

Oh yeah: R.S.V.P

Aug 11, 2005

Yakov of the Day...sue me!!..its a day late....

my excuse for not posting yesterdays "Yakov of the Day".... I had a series of impromptu grudge matches with young upstart Thongchai Jaidee..more on that later(unless I get to lazy to write about it) here is today's dose of Yakov:

"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One. "

Kerry House Raj Indian Cuisine

One of the oddities on Piedmont Avenue is the Kerry House Raj Indian Cuisine. It's located right next to the Kerry House Irish Pub, the local neighborhood dive bar (which I mean in the best possible way).

With the two Kerry Houses, I assume the pub was there first and I have no idea what kind of drunken wager or late-night poker loss led to the opening of an Indian restaurant in half the building. I say "half the building" because there's a doorway in the restaurant where patrons can walk back and forth between the bar and the tandoori chicken. The two establishments even share the same awning on the outside.

Today I stopped by to try the $6.95 lunch buffet. I should have been deterred by the empty dining room at the peak of the lunch hour, but I pressed on. The selection was small but not bad. The good thing about the restaurant being empty was that when I went for a scoop of the chicken curry, there was actually big chunks of chicken meat as opposed to a ladel full of peas and chicken shreds. The naan was a little tough, but the tandoori chicken was very good. And the "sauced" food was only mildly spicy -- which was good because I had to work the cafe that night and didn't want to have any "stomach issues" while steaming milk for cappuccinos.


Aug 10, 2005

People who Complain

"Complain, Complain" In my job, I hear it every f'n day. Especially, this one person on my team. I think she complains 365 days a year. She is never satisfied at her job or even in LIFE. Complains about little thing and big things, it does not matter. She complains all day!!! I'm tired of it. I mean I have my grips about my job but I do not openly talk about for everyone to hear.

Here's one example, being a team player that I am, I took care of one her clients, since she was not in. When it was done, I informed her that the work was done. Then she says, "I told you I'll work on it." blah blah blah...f'n unsatisfied yatch..If she was not on this team, I think I would be happier in this position. Man, there is other stories to tell too...But I don't want my first blog to about her.

I'll write more if I hear anymore complaints, is there anyway I could wire her jaw shut?? hahaha stupid beeyyyyaaattccchhhh!!

Thanks for reading fellow bloggers....Have a good day....

Aug 9, 2005

Had to be when I wore white

When I wear white, I'm always conscious of what my day has in store for me....especially mindful of activities that will dirty my shirt & leave me looking like a slob the rest of the day. Do I have a work lunch @ an Italian or Mexican restaurant? Fumbling pens all day? This crossed my mind as I put on my white Golden State Warriors shorts. The only time I wear white shorts is when I play ball, & they usually stay dirt, if not sweat, free. Couple of games? I should be fine.

1st game goes by w/o incident. I jumped in right when I got there so it was my warm-up game, as my 0-3 FGs prove. 2nd game is going good. 2-3 on shots. Blocked the bejeezus outta my man after he tried to shake me, prompting a "Good Defense" line from him (I know this, biznatch). I go up for a rebound with 3 other dudes when.....BAM. Big Honky Elbow comes down on my mouth, & blood is flying out. The game is stopped & I'm spitting blood like crazy. My DNA is all over the court as it comes outta my mouth in goops. I stagger towards the nearby water fountain, & one of my teammates says "Go to the other one. It's colder & cleaner." A much farther walk than the nearest fountain later, I'm rinsing out the blood. The dude that hit me comes over, checking on me & apologizing. I don't sweat honest accidents, so I tell him not to trip. As I watch the rest of the game next to my homey w/ the sprained ankle, I put my head down to rest for a second. That's when I see blood all over the white shorts. I wish it all would've landed on my black DX shirt. At least I still have all my teeth. Thank Your Higher Deity for small favors.


One of the perks at the bookstore/café I work at is that employees are allowed to check out books. Of course I headed straight for the graphic novel section.

I checked out Wanted, a story by Mark Millar with art by J.G. Jones. It's about Wesley Gibson, a total puss. He's got a crummy job, a crummy life, and his girlfriend cheats on him with his best friend (I always wonder in stories about loser guys how they got girlfriends in the first place).

One day Wesley finds out his father (who had ran out on the family when Wesley was a baby) was killed, and now Wesley stands to inherit $50 million dollars. The catch is, Wesley's dad was a supervillain, and now Wesley has to train and live as a supervillain for six months in order to cash in. He gets indroctinated into the secret underworld of supercrime and quickly takes to killing, stealing, etc.

The dialogue and visuals were pretty brutal--loaded with "fucks" and "assholes" and heads getting blown off and sex and other shock value stuff.

The problem I had with the story was with Millar getting too cutesy. In the world of this book all the superheroes have been neutralized and the villains constantly make references to "the dark-night detective" or "the most powerful hero of all." And we never see these heroes; first, because the book's publisher is not Marvel or DC; second, Millar is using our knowledge of iconic comic book heroes (so he doesn't have to create his own heroes) to move his story along. There's even one major splash page devoted to showing a tattered red cape in a trophy case.

Gee, I wonder who's cape that was supposed to be? If we're not supposed to think it's Superman's, then what's the point of showing it? There are no other mentions or appearances in the story of that red cape, but somehow it merits an entire page to be highlighted? It's annoying little things like that that kept taking me out of the story.

The villains are supposed to be the focus, but Millar could have taken the time to give us a better sense of who the heroes of this world were -- as opposed to making shits-and-giggles allusions to Superman, Batman, Captain America, etc.


It's Back!!!!....Yakov of the Day...

Looks like the Bania of the Day was a freakin HUGE hit..but like I was only a one time thing..sorry to all those Bania fans out there...good news for the many Yakov fans out there though...cuz its back...I presents you with todays editon of YAKOV OF THE DAY!!!!...enjoy..

"In Russia, if a male athlete loses he becomes a female athlete."

Aug 8, 2005


well, there was quite an uproar because I neglected to post a Yakov of the Day-Weekend Editon..sorry about that..went out of town to catch Kenny Bania...that guy is gold I tell ya...GOLD!! here's a one time BANIA OF THE DAY....enjoy...

"Why do they call it Ovaltine?... The mug is round. The jar is round... They should call it Roundtine."

The "RIGHT" gear

Today, I went out with the kids and went shopping for my oldest son's soccer gear. I headed out to Sportsmart but when I got there it is no longer Sportsmart it is now Sports Authority. I spent almost an hour looking for the "right" gear and when I say the "right" gear, I mean it all has to be the "right" gear. I had to find the cleats first, since it was a limited selection there. After, finding the cleats I had to find everything else in the same "brand" for the rest of his gear. So "ALL" Adidas nothing Nike, nothing Diadora but ALL Adidas. Call me a "brand label whore" I just needed everything to be the "right" gear.

He sure is cute though!!

Shootin' w/ Hell's Cherubs

I'm @ the park doing my morning free throw/jumpshot routine when I notice these 3 little girls heading in my direction. They had to be related in some way because they all looked like each other: a cross between my 8 yr old niece & that adorable kid from Dark Water. 2 of them are on scooters, while the 3rd one looks like she borrowed her older brother's skateboard. They start riding around the court that I'm shooting at. Except for when one of the scooterettes does a drive-by "Hello", there is no interaction between us. I shoot around while they encircle my court. When I finally pick up my keys to head home, they ride out to explore the rest of the park w/o a goodbye or any acknowledgment. It was weird but I couldn't help but smile. What topped it off for me was that the kid on the skateboard was talking on a cel the whole time.

Boobah - What is it about?

After a year of watching Boobah, I still have yet to figure out what their sole purpose is. I have heard that the show's intent is to help kids exercise. I'm sorry, but I would hardly call the "Look What I Can Do" segment of the show exercise.

My son has learned nothing by this show and even he cannot completely finish an episode. I however, am glued to the TV waiting for something to actually happen to prove that this show is educational.

Aug 7, 2005

Unsalted Kettle Chips

Why did I think these would be good? I was at the corner market buying a bell pepper and some potatoes for a stew I was making for dinner when I saw a sale on Kettle Chips by the register. The last time I had snacks in my cupboard was the almonds/cranberries mix I picked up at Trader Joe's. Those were long gone, so I figured it was time to buy something new to populate that empty second shelf in my kitchen cabinet.

I guess I wasn't in the mood for "Jalepeno w/Tequlla & Lime," or "Roasted Red Pepper w/Goat Cheese" chips, so that's probably why I picked up "Unsalted." I don't know what I was expecting for taste, but I'll tell you - there was nothing there. It had the crunch and texture of Kettle Chips, but there was NO taste. I guess potatoes are like tofu, you have to add something to bring out and enhance the flavor.

That's when I broke out the ground pepper and bleu cheese crumbles to top the chips. That worked perfectly. So if you want to go Iron Chef on your Kettle Chips - "Unsalted" is the place to start.


Aug 6, 2005

Now Leaving Dodge

After this weekend, if not sooner, I think most of my time will be spent holding up in my house w/ the exception of basketball/grocery outings. Synopsis: I have 2 friends, B & C. I'm a long-time buddy of B, who has brought C around the last couple of times we hung out. I met C through B a while ago, but have gotten to know C only recently since C has been coming around more often. To the chagrin of B, C seems to be taking a quick liking to me. The red flags on this are that C has a boyfriend, but the relationship is often strained by neglect & being an asshole. B also says C has "whore-like qualities", the least of which apparently includes keeping an eye out for someone better.

B has been complaining about C's antics for a while, but since C now seems to be "targeting" a close friend (me) B is especially on edge. Whenever C even touches my arm or hugs me, B gives me a disapproving look or kicks me under the table. Most of our phone/email conversations revolves around C & how annoyed B is.

This whole thing is wearing me out. I'm tired of worrying about what B is thinking every time I interact in any way w/ C. On the other side, I've been trying to give C the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe she just appreciates someone being nice to her. Unfortunately I've heard about C long before I started hanging out w/ her, so not only am I aware of the track record, it looks a lil' bit closer to repeating itself each time we're out. To make things weirder, C will be living within walking distance from me by the end of this month.

I'm really not mad @ either of them but I think I need a break from that scene, which may also necessitate staying away from some mutual friends as well. Fortunately, 510 & 707 pals aren't part of that circle. Like Murtaugh said w/ drained yet sage-like wisdom in the Lethal Weapon epics: I'm too old for this shit.

Preemptive Random: Driving to work today, I saw a Jaguar on the freeway. 1st thing that came to mind was "Yuppy Blackhawk douchebag". I glanced @ the license plate, which said MICK JAG. If it makes me laugh, I'll give due credit: Pretty funny for a yuppy.

Aug 5, 2005

The Secret City

The Secret City had to be the best drawing show EVER. As amazed as I was by Bob Ross's happy little clouds, his paints and brushes weren't exactly things that kids had lying around the house. Commander Mark used pencils, pens, and markers--all implements easily pilfered from various drawers, counters, and desks in your house.

And the show had a sci-fi theme! Why? Commander Mark used his drawing lessons of aliens, spaceships, planets, futuristic buildings, etc., to teach you concepts like perspective, foreshortening, and cross-hatching. You'd be sitting there watching him draw a cool cartoony landscape, but all of a sudden you were learning about vanishing points. Damn you, Commander Mark and your valuable art lessons disguised as whimsical space illustrations. Well played, my eye-linered friend, ...well played.

The best part about The Secret City was the last five minutes of the show where Commander Mark would use the lessons he taught to add on to a giant mural of the Secret City. Kids who tuned in regularly would get to see him, armed only with his trusty marker and his imagination, build sections of the city on a big brightly colored wall.

Oh man, I wonder how many kids got busted for trying to draw their own "Secret City" on their bedroom walls.

The worst part of the show, however, had to be Commander Mark's gay robot companion, Zebtron. For a show so filled with creativity, I was amazed at how lame Zebtron was. It was just some guy in purple and black striped leotard and a silver helmet. No make-up either! You could see his plain ol' human face! I even think he wore glasses.

The only thing remotely "robotic" about him was his 70s-style robot dance movements (but he wasn't dancing), and his stupid generic robot voice. It was just a nasally monotone voice, you know what I mean--try it, "I am a robot." I'm doing the voice right now.

Zebtron's job was to hold up drawings sent in by kids and make supportive comments about their art. Yeah, that's real encouraging--kids seeking approval from an emotionless robot.


Yakov of the Day

Many and when I say "many" I mean one person, have asked me where I find all these fabulous Yakov Smirnoff jokes.....from Yakov Smirnoff silly!!...I've had the pleasure of venturing to good ol' Branson Missouri to actually see Yakov in person many times and like George W. said, "he IS still funny after all these years!"..

"There ought to be a caution sign as you enter the Yakov Smirnoff Theatre in Branson, Missouri. It should read “Warning! Hold on to your seat ‘cause this guy is about to blow you away with dynamite comedy!” This ‘guy’ of course is Branson’s Two-Time Comedian of the Year, Yakov Smirnoff, the famous Russian Comedian. He delivers explosive laughter in a show filled with brilliant special effects, dazzling dancing, heartfelt moments, and just plain fun. Yakov’s entire show is packed with comedic tall tales and witty perceptions, funny facts and huge laughs. "

for tickets, call 1-800-WHAT A COUNTRY...seriously..thats the number..

oh..and while you're in Branson..also be sure to check out the irreplaceable ANDY WILLIAMS..

Aug 4, 2005

Bathroom Etiquette

I'm in the bathroom @ work washing my glasses when a co-worker comes in & heads straight to an enclosed stall. As I dry off my glasses w/ my shirt I hear the familiar locking of the door, unbuckling of the pants & tearing of the seat cover. I think to myself, "If I have to #2, I'm not doing it w/ someone else there." As soon as I finish my thought, I hear a most terrible sound. The closest thing I can compare that noise to would be to imagine Donald Duck throwing up for a minute straight while trying to rap like Twista. I hurried out of the bathroom. The question is still stuck in my head: Am I the only one that would be offended as well as disgusted?

Yakov of the Day...

"In America, you have American Express, don't leave home without it....But in Russia, we have Soviet Express....DON'T LEAVE HOME!"

Enjoy a slice of island life this weekend...

Aloha Festival (Sat/6-Sun/7)

E Komo Mai!

This weekend, you can stop dreaming of that tropical trip you wish you had the time and money for, and enjoy a slice of island life for real at the 11th annual Aloha Festival in the Presidio.

Get up off your hammock and put on your grass skirt for this two-day feast of all things tropical, including music, dance, arts and crafts, delicious food and a chance to learn some new island skills. Sway to the sounds of the ukelele and lose yourself in the hypnotic hula, performed by native Polynesian musicians and dance troupes. Or take a workshop in slack-key guitar or Hawaiian chanting -- also called 'oli -- and learn how to make your own beautiful music. Fill your belly with some scrumptious island cuisine, like saimin, lomi, kalua pork, plate lunch and much more.

Canoe enthusiasts can watch master paddlers take on the chilly waters of the Bay in the Round the Rock Alcatraz Challenge (Saturday morning), a tough nine-mile course from Alcatraz to the Bay Bridge and along the waterfront. Kids will enjoy the activities in Ohana Korner. Anyone and everyone with island roots, as well as those who can appreciate this culture, won't want to miss this event.

SF GatePresidio Parade Grounds, SF; Sat-Sun 10 am-5 pm; free; (415) 281-0221;