Jan 15, 2006

Kancho. It's all fun & games till someone gets hurt.


The dreaded Kancho is a game little Japanese school children play. The Kancho has been dealt to many a Gaijin English teacher. I found this out while doing research for my impending move to Nihon. I need to know this stuff, this is the stuff they won't cover in any JET orientation. Man or woman, nobody is safe. You clasp your hands together as if in prayer, then extend both of your index fingers outward. Then as the illustration suggests you "lock-on" to an unsuspecting victim & when the moment is right you ram your index fingers into the butthole of the victim.

If I happen to end up teaching Engrish, my students will soon find that I am immune to Kancho. They will soon be grossed out because I will not try to stop them in any way from actually deploying the kancho. Instead I am formulating an anti-kancho strategy of sorts. It involves developing a "kancho-sense" similar to what Azrael from outpostnine.com describes. When the would-be kancho commandos lock on, you are aware. My anti kancho strategy also involves the ability to "fart-on-command". It is a rare skill but one that I am able to perform 7 out of 10 times.

When the the kancho locks on to the kanchee you are alerted, at this time you must tense your buttocks to parry the outstretched index fingers. When the kancho plunges his/her fingers you "clinch" your buttocks. This has a two-fold effect of parrying the kancho AND snaring the outstretched index fingers of the kancho in the kanchee's butt-cheeks. I gaurantee that the kancho will be in shock & once he/she finds that they have been trapped they will then begin to panic. Everyone on the team knows what happens when you panic. Your heart rate increases & rapid breathing starts. The latter part of the sentence is the kicker my friends "rapid breathing". This is the time when you summon your inner Chi & fart on command. The kancho will take a few breaths (preferrably & most probably with his/her mouth open) of methane gas to the grille piece yo.

I take out a few of the heavy hitters in the kancho game & I figure I should be left alone for the duration of my stay at that particular school.

I share because I care. No need to thank me.

1 comment:

JuanJohn said...

hahaha, those crazy kids, I'm thinking about going there to teach english as well one day soon, so thanks for the warning.
But this game, how old are the kids your talking about?
Can't be in there teens doing it to girls and women. Might get a little preverted if they miss thier "targets".