Feb 28, 2007
Feb 27, 2007
SAMOAN MALE 6 FT 300 LBS WEARING A FLORAL SHIRT TAN PANTS NO SHOES
VEHS(vehicles) SLOWING DWN TO WAVE AT HIM
mind you..this was on a busy highway not a city street..
Feb 26, 2007
Akiko Yada. Wifey material straight up. This is the one I bring home to mamma, everytime I hold my press conferences Akiko Chan can be seen sitting by my side. All the kids me & Akiko have are heirs to the Tsuji family empire. Please believe it.
Aragaki Yui. When I can get away Gakky Chan is there to have fun with me. We have mega fun together. Plus when I do it to her my naughty parts tickle like a sumbatch. I am quite fond of Gacky, even though me & her are on the "down low" I would never want her to be unhappy, so she dates other dudes, but only if I approve. I want her to get with somebody that's gonna be stable & that can take care of her.
it smells like bleach in here
I think I've officially lost it now....
Feb 25, 2007
The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 4
WARNING: All right students, recess is over. We’ve all had a lot of fun in the last month butchering the romantic reputation of one of our own and forcing him into self-imposed exile. The lesson he learned was a harsh, but necessary one. Alas, life experience must be supplemented with formal teaching to gain true knowledge, so it’s back to class. Much like my last chapter, this one may be unsettling to men. So those of the Y-chromosome must clear their minds before reading on, as it may crush those with delusions of grandeur.Before getting into the proverbial meat ‘n potatoes of this chapter, I want to start off with a few visual aids – sort of a full-color Rorschach test (that’s the one where a psychiatrist shows the patient inkblots, and I’m SURE many of my readers are familiar with it). Please look at the images carefully and think about what you see.
Study this young man. See the impeccably straight bill of his baseball cap, the shimmering, expensive jewelry in his ear and of course, that menacing sneer. Are you intimidated?
Here we have our very own Langdon Alger.* His facial expression is not nearly as fierce as the previous subject’s, but it’s more than compensated by his urban headwear and “East Coast/Side” gang sign, a clear symbol of a hard upbringing and take-no-prisoners attitude. You wouldn’t want to run into this guy in a dark alley, would you?
*May or may not be Langdon Alger.
Not to be outdone by his fellow YODC contributor, it’s Freefall Jones.* Here he proudly “represents” his rough street background with braided hair, not one, but TWO gang signs and a luxury car behind him that might even be his. With his anti-establishment, F Tha Police mentality, women want him and men want to BE him. Right?
*This most definitely is Freefall Jones.
Now take a look at these gentlemen. Their fashion sense is clearly similar to the others’. Their baseball caps are turned to the side and have arrow-straight bills. They’re wearing large amounts of loud, flashy jewelry. One of them even has headwear like Langdon’s.
Quiz: what’s the difference between the men in this fourth image and the ones in the first three? Your choices are:
A. The first three homies got it goin’ on.
B. The bruvas in the forf picture is a little bit harder.
C. They’s all lookin’ straight gangsta to me, yo.
Answer: if you chose any of the above, you’re completely wrong (and your English is terrible). The correct response is: The men in image #4 are exactly 400 trillion times more intimidating than the previous three.
But why, you ask? They seem to be cut from the same cloth. Well, my faithful SOGamaniacs, the answer just happens to be the title of this chapter.
The Man Makes the Clothes or - You Can’t Shine a Turd.
The statement is quite simple; wearing stylish garments does not guarantee that a man will look stylish. The “men” in the first three photos are all striving to project a very particular image – a threatening one, a dangerous one. Yet they are all roughly as threatening as a baby in a beaver suit.
All too often men make the mistake of trying to emulate other men. They see a male who’s successful in attracting females and think, “If I wear the same kinds of clothes he does, or get the same haircut, or behave like he does, women will react to me the same way!”
But this sad delusion goes far deeper than simple accoutrement. Because the fact is that The Man makes much more than just the clothes. The Man makes everything that women claim to find desirable. Chapter 1 of The Indisputable Truth already outlined in detail what ladies look for in men. Chapter 2 revealed what they don’t look for despite claiming the exact opposite. The fact of the matter is, the two go hand-in-hand.
Guys, have you ever been in a social setting, or any setting for that matter, and noticed that when a good-looking man tells a joke, all the women within earshot laugh? No matter how poorly timed, tasteless, inappropriate, unimaginative or flat out unfunny the joke may be, the girls will laugh. Guaranteed. Can you recall seeing a handsome man completely enrapture women with stories about nothing particularly memorable? You know you can. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the traits women allege to seek out: confidence, sense of humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness, etc, just happen to be carried in great amounts by physically attractive men?
One sentence proves my point beyond all doubt: Women think Brad Pitt is a good actor. I repeat, women think Brad Pitt is a good actor. They really believe it, when it is an undeniable, not to mention clinically provable fact that Mr. Pitt couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag with a hole in it. If you possessed the same level of ability at your job as Brad Pitt does at his, you’d be more fired than Tsuji Eriku.
Tom Hanks is a magnificent actor, and not an unattractive man by any stretch of the imagination. But the truth is if Brad Pitt looked like Tom Hanks, he wouldn’t be a
There’s nothing wrong with watching a film or television show to see a physically attractive star. Langdon Alger’s infatuation with Jessica Alba crossed the border of being disturbing long ago. And though his obsession has reached the point where we should all be concerned for young Jessica’s well-being, even he can admit that if roles were cast based solely on acting ability, Jessica Alba wouldn’t make it into a Manny Pacquiao movie. I don’t remember ever hearing Alger refer to “Honey,” “Idle Hands,” or “Fantastic Four” as “epic,” although is self-stimulation sessions after seeing them probably were.
Like The Clothes, The Man makes The Talent as well. In women’s eyes, a handsome man on the silver screen is automatically a skilled actor. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking permeates real life. Women want a good sense of humor? The handsome man is automatically funny. Intelligence? The handsome man automatically has brainpower in excess. Charm? Charisma? The handsome man automatically has it all. This explains why his banal, pedestrian attempts at humor draw hysterical laughter from women, while your clever, witty quips make them go coldly silent, or stare at you as if they want to pull out your vocal chords with a staple decleater.
Men, we’ve all encountered many other men who were horrible human beings, yet had no difficulty attracting the opposite sex. These men are surly, dishonest, disrespectful and sometimes even abusive toward women, yet the females continue to line up for their attention. And when we ask these ladies what they see in these guys, the answer is always the same: “He’s misunderstood. The person you see is not the person he really is. He’s a good person on the inside.” Meanwhile, you’re a good person on the outside and the inside, and your genitals are slowly disappearing, natural selection evolving them right out of existence for their lack of use.
The bottom line is this: in the minds of women, good outside (appearance) equals good inside (personality). It is not the man’s behavior that a woman responds positively or negatively to; it is the man himself. If a girl likes what she sees she will, consciously or subconsciously, seek out and ultimately find the personality traits she claims to desire. She really will believe that the handsome man is funny and intelligent, that the abusive handsome man is a “good person on the inside,” and that Brad Pitt is a talented actor. Conversely, if a man’s appearance doesn’t impress her, she will somehow find in him all the character aspects that she says turn her off. It’s sort of a self-defense mechanism to keep them from looking and feeling less shallow than they really are. After all, what sounds more substantive to you: “We have nothing in common,” or “I don’t want to talk to that guy because he’s ugly”?
Although more proof of this chapter’s point is not necessary, I want to provide one more example. This one involves the aforementioned Ms. Alba. As you may or may not know, Jessica is engaged to a gentleman named Cash Warren, and by all accounts the relationship is a happy one. How did this man get one of the most beautiful, sought-after women in the world to fall in love with him? What is it about him that makes her swoon? Heck, how did he even get her to speak to him? What did he do to “break the ice,” so to speak? She explained in an issue of People magazine last year:
“He approached me and gave me a love letter, and he signed his name with a dollar sign – because his name’s Cash.”You read that correctly. I’m not making this up. He signed his name with a dollar sign. WHAT KIND OF TACKY, NEANDERTHALOID MENTAL MIDGET SIGNS HIS NAME WITH A DOLLAR SIGN??? Ahem…allow me to compose myself. Ever the investigative journalist, I’ve managed to obtain a copy of this love letter. And in all fairness, it’s easy to see why Jessica’s heart was set aflutter by this marvel of romantic composition:
That’s it guys; that’s all it took. Any one of us could’ve won Jessica Alba’s love if only we had the charm and wit to sign our names with dollar signs. I have to hand it to Mr. Warren (soon to be Mr. Alba); I never would’ve thought of that one. Oh by the way, does anyone think that Jessica may have found this magical love letter more alluring because it came from a very handsome man? No, that couldn’t be it. Please men, start including dollar signs or other clever symbols in your signatures and the beautiful women are SURE to be aroused, no matter what you look like.
I’ll close chapter 4 with a bit of advice. Remember the second part of the chapter title – a turd that’s been polished with even the most powerful varnish will never cease being a piece of fecal matter. As the subjects of our first three photographs show in graphic detail, wearing certain kinds of clothes or acting a certain way (and I stress the word acting) will not change who you really are or how you appear to women. An ugly man is an ugly man, with precious few exceptions (which will be covered in the near future). However, don’t by any means look in the mirror and think, “I’m a turd! There’s nothing I can do to attract women!” You may indeed be a turd, and if that’s so there is indeed nothing you can do about it, but it’s not up to you to determine your turdliness. By their actions, women will make you well aware of how much of a turd you are or are not. Your opinion of yourself has literally no bearing. Buying clothes or behaving in ways solely intended to impress females will not help or hurt your circumstances; they’ll just strip you of your dignity. Don’t worry men – you’re not going insane. That abusive chick magnet that you know is not a “good person on the inside.” He’s just as much of a slimeball as you think he is. The handsome man’s jokes that leave girls in stitches are just as puerile and unfunny as they sound, maybe even more so. Your jokes are witty and your personality is interesting. Don’t let women tell you what is charming or clever, because they quite frankly have no idea. To put it all in microcosm, good-looking men can get away with anything, including abuse, humorlessness, unfaithfulness and signing their names with dollar signs. Unless you’re one of them, these actions will only lead to personal and romantic ruin. And that’s jus’ keepin’ it real, paht-nas.
-$on of GiganBe on the lookout for Chapter 5: "The Myths of Man - EXPOSED!"
small spoiler alert
There's a flimsy plot about the Reno Sherrif's Dept. taking over all law enforcement in Miami and how they try to save the day. Basically the movie is pretty much the same stuff you see on Reno 911, just in a different location.
That being said, this is still some funny shit. Everything that's funny on the TV show is funny here in the movie. There are a lot of cameos in the movie--if you're a fan of The State, then you'll pretty much recognize its members throughout the film. And the other celebrity cameos (which I won't spoil here) were fun to see.
It was like watching an extended episode of the show. There's no major character development, and everyone is pretty much in the same position at the end of the movie as they were at the beginning. But who cares? This movie is still probably 100 times better than Ghost Rider.
Feb 24, 2007
Feb 23, 2007
Feb 19, 2007
Feb 18, 2007
Feb 16, 2007
Feb 15, 2007
Sometimes when I am home, I browse the genius writing preserved in the blog archives of YODC & it's affiliates. I came across a post done over at Wonton's personal blog about how he ....hell just read it & the hilarious comments that followed.
Feb 14, 2007
Eriku took some pretty cool video footage of Yoyogi Park during his last trip to Tokyo(which will probably never be seen by the masses cuz he's to lazy to upload it to youtube and share it with us)..along with the kick arse bands and the rockabillies, he had footage of this one guy just performing his heart out..it was quite simply the greatest thing I've ever seen....fortunately, someone else was able to capture this genius on celluloid and uploaded it to youtube..
Ever heard the phrase "winners never cheat & cheaters never win" ?
That shit rang in my ears after I cursed my modded xbox to hell yesterday. Since I didn't go to work I decided to scroll through my back catalogue of pirated xbox games & came across Ninja Gaiden Black. A clasic that I never got around t o playing because until yesterday I had a life. I played for a good portion of the morning & actually got past act3 when the sumbatch gave me a read error. Of course no way for me to check a disc that I DO NOT HAVE. I was actually starting to get into the game.
This multi-pack of figures gives some nice hand-painted "S"s, and by "nice" I mean "shitty". More impressively, we get an action figure representation of one of the movie's more memorable moments...SUPERMAN RIDING A DINOSAUR.
Here's another instance of Superman riding something. WTF? This time he's on a horse. Waitaminute--Christopher Reeve was crippled falling off a horse. This is some fucked up shit yo.
Especially Search: SPD
I have no idea how "Power Rangers" could be translated into spanish and then back into English as "Especially Search". That must have been one really long chain of people playing a game of Post Office. I will say, though, that these are probably the most gangsta group of Rangers ever--based on all the GUNS they're packin'.
All right, enough crap--like Tsuji and Langdon did last time, here are some real toys to wash the bootlegs away:
P.S. ...be sure to head out and pick up the latest copy of EGM. We've got a big interview with the president of Sony about what went wrong with the PlayStation 3...
I just had my performance review & I got jerked out of my money AGAIN for the 3rd year in a row. My boss said that my work is not an issue, it's just that I called in sick alot (with Doctor's notes mind you). Well if I can't take two months worth of sick time then don't give it to me.
My boss said if I didn't call in sick for the next few months then she would recommend that I be promoted by May.
In my head I was like "hell, I'm moving to Tokyo next Month".
I called in sick for the past 4 days, (fri-today). I have been feverishly checking my email everyday to see if I got the job in Tokyo yet. Nothing. This can't be wrong!!!!!
I hope that I either move to Tokyo or that Wonton gets promoted & hires me to work for him.
I checked my email today & nada, zip, I did get a valentine's day greeting from Mizuho. That's my Hikaru finishing move, & no Mizuho is not my girlfriend.
My guess is they probably have to write me up first (which I'm willing to take) before they fire me. I'll slow my roll if I get written up & I'm still working there after April.