The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 7

WARNING: So we've come...to the end of the road...

All Great Things Must Come to an End - The Conclusion of The Indisputable Truth.

In all honesty, when I posted the first chapter of The Indisputable Truth back in November 2006 (has it been that long? Wow), I really had no intention of continuing it beyond that. The future chapters that I told you to look out for were simply titles that I thought sounded humorous. I actually had these chapters kicking around my brain for many years; I just never planned to document them. When I received a response from people that actually read it and understood it, I was convinced that I had to be the one to tell this Truth (in more honesty, I wasn't expecting any response other than maybe a couple of "adadsfdafewfuwfsaadsfs").

So here we are nearly two years later, and the LONG delays between posts had absolutely nothing with my losing interest in T.I.T (hehehee), but instead struggling to bring you this vital, hard-hitting information in an entertaining fashion. Because The Indisputable Truth is not about anger; it's about clarity, peace and happiness. Here's a quick synopsis:

Chapter 1: The Indisputable Truth

Chapter 2 - Women’s Five Pillars of Bullshit (Pardon my French): The five lies women ALWAYS tell concerning love and romance.

The First Casualty of The Indisputable Truth: A would-be hero stands up to SOG, and gets summarily smacked down.

Chapter 3 - A Man's Got to Know his Limitations: Remember to stay within your league, or get laughed off the field.

Chapter 4 - "The Man Makes the Clothes" or "You Can’t Shine a Turd.”: Don't bother trying to dress yourself up.

Chapter 5 - The Myths of Man - EXPOSED!: The epic five-part expose of the biggest mistruths men tell themselves.

Part 1. "Game"
Part 2. "C-blocking"
Part 3. "The Wingman"
Part 4. "Platonic Friends"
Part 5. "Neediness"

Chapter 6 - EXCEPTIONS to the Indisputable Truth (No Way!): Exceptions that prove the Truth. Featuring Jose Canseco.

Here's the gyst of it all, and don't forget it: women are not complicated; women are SIMPLE. And by "simple" I don't mean unintelligent in any way. And everything I've said about females from the beginning has only pertained to the love/romance/dating realm. But women are simple because as I mentioned in Chapter 1, their emotions are on display for all to see. Men tend to overanalyze the actions of women (and this is coming from a guy who's about to complete a 5000-page manifesto on the subject). They pick out every little nuance, every little look, every little smile and hair flip and try to assemble them as if they're all parts of some big attraction puzzle, then modify their own personalities to better equip them to solve that puzzle. The reality is, while it is wise to study a woman's actions, those tiny nuances are not, by themselves, indicative of attraction. A female will demonstrate her affection for a male clealy and obviously, if not by direct announcement, then by dropping irrefutable "hints" that an orangutan of average intelligence could decipher. And that affection is all based on surface traits. SIMPLE.

Skeptics are probably wondering what exactly qualifies me to make statements like these. I will freely admit that I have not experienced a lot of "success" (in most definitions of the term) with women. But let me make this clear: The Indisputable Truth is not a guide on how to get females into your life, or your bed. I am not saying "do this and you women will like you." The Indisuptable Truth says that there is NO "way" to be successful with ladies. There is no advice anyone can give you to change you from a "geek" to a "stud." There is no technique, no skill involved. What works for one man will not work for you. I know this because I've tried many of them. Over my many years of chasing women, I've been turned down by them for every imaginable reason:

I wasn't nice enough.
I was too nice.
I didn't talk enough.
I talked too much.
I was mean.
I was too "available" and needed to be more aloof.
I was too short.
I was too "honest."
I joked around too much.
I didn't laugh and smile enough.
I dressed funny.
The music I liked was embarassing.
The TV shows I liked weren't "cool."
My hobbies were "strange."
I didn't take enough interest in women's hobbies.
I "kissed up" too much.
I called too soon or too often.
I didn't call enough.

This is not an exaggeration. I was led to believe that pretty much everything about me was broken in some way. I drove myself to the brink of madness thinking about this, wondering what was "wrong" with me and trying to fix it, going out in the "field" and facing one rejection after another, while intently observing men that women did like and hoping to learn what they were doing "right." What I noticed, slowly but surely, was profound. These men weren't doing anything terribly different from what I was doing. Their jokes weren't any funnier; their personalities weren't any more charming. In fact, many of them had no personalities to speak of. They carried themselves the same way I did. The difference between their situations and mine was not in the actions being taken by the men, but in the responses of the women. I would smile and say hello and ladies would simply say "hello" back (though not always, I've been flat-out ignored A LOT). Another man would smile and say hello and the ladies would light up, broad grins shooting across their faces as they tried to get physically closer to him. Even after all this visual evidence, I still struggled to believe that was all there was to it -- until it happened to me. In my few success stories, it has been the girls that has been assertive, even the "shy" ones. Most importantly, when a girl was attracted to me, the correspondence was EASY. I was charismatic, I was charming, I was funny, and I was just being me. Everything flowed naturally. I was one of the men that I had been observing for so long, and there may have been other men watching me and trying to figure out what "techniques" I was using to get such a response. Even if you've never had such an experience with a woman, if and when it does happen, you will KNOW it! I can't state this any clearer.

Women, and unfortunately a lot of men, want desperately for everyone to believe that when it comes to potential romance, females look at every man as a blank slate, making no pre-judgements or conclusions about him. And it's up to the man to fill in that slate and win her over with his personality. The incredibly sad thing is that there isn't even a small shred of truth to this. As a man, your fate is all but sealed before you speak your first word. You MUST pass the physical test before a woman will even consider you as a mate, maybe before she even speaks to you. Have you ever noticed that when a date or conversation goes cold, the blame always falls on the man? If a woman at a bar or a club is completely stonewalling you and refusing to give you the time of day, it's because you "don't know how to talk to women." If a girl rudely blows you off, it's because you must've said something "wrong" to her. Your friends will laugh at you, her friends will laugh at you, she'll laugh at you, and you'll be deluged with advice on how not to "screw it up" next time. Here is some news that you can give these people: you didn't screw anything up. You didn't do anything wrong. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! If a girl doesn't want to give you a chance because of the way you look, SHE's the one with the problem, not you. If she's rude to you, SHE'S the loser, not you. And it's HER LOSS. Take that information and absorb it. Make it a part of you, the way I have. Once you accept this, you'll reach a level of awareness you never thought possible. You'll stop wasting time, energy and money on fruitless pursuits. You'll discover joy in other things in life; your relationship/marital status should be one of those things, not the thing that defines you.

If you recall, The Indisputable Truth began with a conversation I had with a coworker aboout The Game, a book chronicling the rise of an "average frustrated chump" who became a "pick-up artist." I did some research on this "chump," and discovered that he wasn't exactly average, at least not in the way you and I are average. He may not have been an incredibly handsome man, but he was a popular writer/music reviewer with publications like Rolling Stone and The New York Times. He penned the biographies of people like Motley Crue, Marilyn Manson and Jenna Jameson. He went on tour with rock stars, and socialized with powerful people in the entertainment industry. And he made a lot of money. His "transformation" was the result of spending thousands (maybe hundreds of thousands) of dollars to travel the world to learn how to "pick up" women. Does that sound "average" to you? Is that something you can just go out and do? At the risk of sounding crude, if you have thousands of dollars to spend to "learn" how to get women into bed...why not spend a fraction of the money on prostitutes? The result is the same; the time and expense are MUCH lower. Men like the author of The Game, and most men, unfortunately, are obsessed with the idea of being in control of their romantic/sexual endeavors. I touched upon that when I exposed the Myths of Man. Paying for sex with a prostitute is "not cool," yet paying for seminars, travel, websites, books, newsletters and whatever else to learn how to "seduce" women is somehow acceptable? Men believe this because, despite the fallacy that men see sex as simply a pleasurable act and women see it as a highly emotional experience, the truth is that men take sex VERY seriously. It's not just fun for most of us, it's CONQUEST. "Getting a girl into bed" or acquiring a girlfriend fosters a sense of ACCOMPLISHMENT. CONTROL. Men are willing to go through hell to get that feeling with women. Paying for a woman that would sleep with any man for the right price does not bring that feeling. Giving copious amounts of cash and time to men in exchange for "techniques" does, for some reason. Quite frankly, tinkering with your personality to the point where the real you is barely recognizable, or worse, you're a completely different person, for the sole purpose of impressing people, female or male, is the most "uncool" thing I can think of.

As I wind down, let me elaborate on the title of my manifesto: "The Indisputable Truth about Women, 'Romance' and why you will never ever get a girlfriend." The Indisputable Truth is clear. "Romance" is in quotes because there is no such thing without physical attraction. Attraction must be there before any romance can commence, which makes the term completely obsolete. But the last part may trouble you. When I say "you will never ever get a girlfriend," that's not definitely the case. It may be, but not always. I phrased it like that because I wanted to put the "chase" out of your head. Remove the egotistical idea of "conquest" from your mind and you will be more open to The Truth. And there are much worse scenarios than being single for your entire life. But please don't misintepret this work as a reason to be angry or hateful to women. A lot of T.I.T (hehehee) is harsh and uncomplimentary, but don't hate women because of it. Accept The Truth and let their behavior go. There are many more worthy reasons to get angry. If women don't like you, so be it. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. I spent many years believing that I was a "loser" because girls didn't want to date me. After my rare episodes of success, I felt surprisingly...the same. My confidence didn't skyrocket and my outlook didn't change. I began to realize that it was because I ALWAYS had confidence in myself. "Getting" a girl was great fun, but it didn't fulfill me or make me feel like more of a man. Because I'd been a man for a LONG TIME. As YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. My issue is not with the way women are, but with the falsehoods that are constantly spread concerning these matters, by both women and men. It's The Indisputable Truth about Women, not "Women Never Tell the Truth and Men Always Do." And it certainly isn't "Women are Terrible and Men are Great." You shouldn't be terrible to anyone, woman or man. And if something "works" to attract women, that doesn't automatically make it the right thing to do. Remember, the Night Stalker gained his groupies through mass murder. If treating a girl "like she's your kid sister," as my coworker said in Chapter 1, is something that comes naturally to you, do it. If it's not you, don't do it. If you're a "nice guy," BE A NICE GUY. Don't change yourself for anyone but YOU. And if something brings you nothing but pain, suffering and confusion (like pursuing women has done to a lot of men), remove it from your life. Replace it with something, or several things that make you happy. You'll be surprised how easy that is when you let go of the chase. And in the course of getting on with your life, you may find someone that makes you very happy to join you, and you won't need The Game or any of its teachings to show her that you're something special.

So this is it. The Indisputable Truth leaves you with one request. Take this link and send it to your male and female friends (or in Freefall Jones's case, make some friends, then send it to them). Even if you don't believe it yourself (and I'm open to all comments), start the discussion, and let's spread it around the world. This can be the beginning of something huge. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this.

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 6

WARNING: The very title of this chapter may seem contradictory, but don't let it sway your opinion. Don't let it shake your confidence in The Indisputable Truth. By the end of it you'll see The Truth even more clearly...if that's possible.

EXCEPTIONS to The Indisputable Truth (No Way!)

Let me start by tackling the obvious oxymoron here. How can there be exceptions to something that's indisputable? And the explanation is this: the exceptions I will list don't disprove The Indisputable Truth, but prove it to be exactly what I say it is.

Seeing how I post about as frequently as Freefall Jones clips his fingernails, here's a very brief refresher: women base all their attraction on surface traits, namely physical appearance. But is that really all? Is there anything that a less-handsome man can do to draw the affections of females? There must be something else that women like besides looks! Well, there are a few things, and here they are.

#1. Wealth:
Are you really surprised? You were expecting maybe "intelligence," "humor," or *gasp* "confidence?" We already covered those things! Money is not only a strong exception to physical appearance, but women love it so much they could easily be equals. Society teaches us that men are obligated to supply all the financial security in relationships. Over hundreds, perhaps thousands of years that notion has evolved into the belief that men who are simply able to pay the most are the most desirable.

Women have historically put great value on material things. They want the most expensive posessions in abundance. They define themselves by the clothes they wear, the jewelry they own, and the man that can supply them with the highest quality posessions is, by their definition, the highest quality man. The proof is all around us. Men of great wealth are never wont for female companionship. Do you think Donald Trump always has a woman by his side because of his effervescent personality and infectious sense of humor? I once saw a talk show interview with Trump while he was between his second and third marriages. The host asked him if he was the "marrying type," and after a few moments of thought, he replied "I'm the marrying type until I get tired of her. Isn't that terrible?" The response illicited a groan from the ladies in the audience. I saw this interview many years ago, but it stuck with me. At the time, I thought to myself "With that blatantly disrespectful attitude, he should be single forever no matter how much money he has!" I, quite obviously, was wrong. And when he "gets tired" of this one, we can all rest assured that he will have another equally, or even more beautiful girl by his side before the ink on his divorce papers is dry. How many gorgeous women have you "gotten tired of" in your lifetime? Turn on any entertainment program at any given time and you will see at least one vapid, brainless, spoiled trust fund brat surrounded by lovely ladies and having the time of his life. The time YOU should be having. Unfortunately, a large amount of money is almost as difficult to aquire as physical attractiveness, but the other Exception is a bit easier...

#2. Fame:
Ah...the great equalizer. Fame, or infamy - women do not differentiate. In the event of a complete lack of good looks or copious finances, fame is the force that will draw women to you. It's quite simple - in the mind of the average woman, if people are interested in you, it must mean that you are interesting. Thus, being closely associated with you will make her interesting. It's the perceived power that you could give her that gives you power over her. Television is the tool. You're not handsome, you're not rich, you're not particularly funny, charismatic or charming. But if you're on TV, you MUST be special, right?

On this particular chapter, I'm compelled to reference one of my favorite authors: Jose Canseco. In his classic tome, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big (required reading for - well - everyone), Mr. Canseco describes the way he and his fellow major leaguers referred to their many female conquests. Any girl that was courted on a road trip was known as "Road Beef." You read that correctly: Road Beef. It's as if all the members of MLB put their suspiciously oversized craniums together to come up with the most offensive term that could possibly be conceived for a woman, and "Road Beef" emerged. Another choice nugget was "Slump Buster." I'll let the former Bash Brother explain it in his own words:

"As everyone knows, baseball players are very superstitious. Players who are struggling start talking about how they need to go out and find something to break their slump. And often enough it comes out something like this: 'Oh my God, I'm 0-for-20. I'm going to get the ugliest girl I can find and have sex with her.'...It could mean the woman was big, or ugly, or a combination of both, however you slice it, it was bound to be unpleasant."

Road Beef? Slump Busters? Are these terms the spawn of men with charming personalities? No, they come from hormonally-challenged meatheads with the collective brainpower of a bag of rosin. And guess what? These shaved gorillas get more sex in a month than you will in your entire lifetime. And in keeping with Exception #2, the aforementioned Jose Canseco is apparently bankrupt, yet still had no problem convincing a cute young lady to live with him. He's never had trouble getting beautiful women into his bed, and he never will. If you walked into a crowded bar/nightclub/social situation with Canseco, who do you think will get more attention from females? You shouldn't think too hard about it.

Maybe the most egregious and disturbing example of fame creating attraction is the story of Richard Ramirez, AKA The Night Stalker. I won't go into too many details, but Ramirez was a serial killer in the 80s who brutally raped and murdered 14 people in California, and viciously assaulted many more, including sodomizing an 8 year-old boy.

When he was finally captured and put on trial, the Night Stalker became a borderline sex symbol, with dozens of beautiful young "groupies" attending his court hearings. When he was incarcerated, Ramirez received an average of 1000 love letters a week from women. 1000 A WEEK. How many love letters did YOU get last week? How about in your lifetime? THE NIGHT STALKER gets plenty of them. He's on death row now...and married.

The story of Richard Ramirez is an extreme example, but the point remains. Being famous, for anything, including raping and murdering women, will make you more attractive to them (that doesn't mean you should do it, however). As I said at the beginning, what both of the Exceptions do here is prove The Indisputable Truth. While physical attractiveness may rule all, money and fame go hand in hand with it, because they are surface traits.

You see, you can be a woman-hating real estate baron, a steroid-addled side of beef in cleets, or a child-raping murderer; it doesn't matter how you acquired your wealth or fame, as long as you have one, or preferably both. And why is this? Because to expound my point from Exception #1, in the pursuit of a mate, women aren't looking for loyal companions, or close friends or "soul mates." They're looking for arm pieces. Objects that look good standing next to them. Women look at men like purses, or jewelry, things they can brag about to their friends. And unfortunately, a winning personality, intelligence, and sense of humor are not things to brag about. What sounds better: "My husband made $23 million last year," "My boyfriend hit 45 home runs this season," "My man was on Inside Edition and Extra last night," or "My boyfriend is really funny," or "My man treats me great"? It's really no comparison. They want the most expensive,most glamourous, most sought-afer items. You can become one of those items, with a very lucky lottery ticket or a whole lot of murder.*

*Please don't murder anyone.

It took me a long time to finish this chapter, and in truth, it's been deep sadness that's been slowing me down. It's almost done. The Indisputable Truth is coming to a close. I hope you can join me for Chapter 7: "All Great Things Must Come to an End - The Conclusion of The Indisputable Truth."

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 5

WARNING: Hmmm…there’s really nothing to warn you about here. But that’s no reason to stray from tradition, is it?

This final Myth of Man is one that cuts me deeply. Almost as deeply as the stench of Freefall Jones after he’s stood in the sun for 15 minutes. Because it’s one of the building blocks behind The Indisputable Truth. For years I’ve pondered its meaning. Is it truthful? What causes people to perpetuate it? After years of intense deliberation, I’ve dissected it and found it to be one of the most insulting, degrading, and baseless insults a human being can deliver.

5. “Neediness”

Like all the other Myths of Man, it is not the existence of Neediness that’s false; it’s people’s use of it that has become completely skewed. The definition of Neediness according to the American Heritage dictionary is as follows:

1. Being in need; impoverished.
2. Wanting or needing affection, attention, or reassurance, especially to an excessive degree.

It’s obviously the second definition we want to focus on here, but the first one needs to be kept in mind. I’m guessing if you haven’t been referred to as “needy” in your lifetime, you’ve heard the term used in a relationship context before (“clingy” or “stalking” are other variations of it). And what does it mean? If you’re a man, it means that you’re devoted to a girl and want to spend time with her to the point of being extremely irritating. Here are two recent examples of the term being used from my own workplace:

A) A single female coworker of mine (who is in her mid-30s) was telling me about a man she met online. I asked her how the relationship, which was still in the phone call-only stage, was proceeding and what this man was like. Her response – “He’s nice. What I like about him is that he’s not needy; we only have to talk on the phone once a week.”

B) A male coworker (in his early 30s) was telling me about a very attractive young girl that he had been dating for roughly two weeks (and yes, everyone at work comes to me when they want to discuss their relationships). He was going on about how gorgeous she was and what a great body she had. I jokingly said, “So you’re only calling her three times a day, right?” He quite vehemently replied “No. I don’t call her. I haven’t called her one time. I don’t want to act all needy. So I might text her, but I don’t call her.”

So what is to be learned from my coworkers? Yes, if you want to speak to a girl on the phone more than once a week, or at all for that matter, you’re a needy man. If you’re thinking about calling that special girl tonight and it hasn’t been more than a week, ABORT YOUR PLAN. If you’re on the phone with her right now, HANG UP DAMN IT! You’re entering the land of neediness!

Okay, these examples are extreme, but they do illustrate a point. The two coworkers I referenced are about as different from each other in personality as two human beings can be, and I gave their ages to show that they are not immature, inexperienced children. The point to be found is that the insipid word, Neediness, has become a complete monster. It’s gotten to the point that two full-grown adults are throwing it around at the thought of speaking on the phone. And the chief commonality here is that it’s the MAN who has to avoid being needy.

My female coworker was ready to lose interest in her online friend if he phoned her twice. My male coworker stopped himself from calling a girl he was clearly smitten with because of his fear of being needy. Women have gotten men so defensive about appearing clingy that men are fighting their natural emotions and stifling their feelings.

Yes, excessive contact can become annoying and sometimes frightening to a woman. But what is excessive? The aforementioned “calling three times a day” would probably qualify. But twice in a week? That’s what men have to deal with in this day and age.

The worst part of the Myth of Neediness is that when a girl uses it to describe a man, she’s doing so much more than just saying “he wants to spend more time together than I’d like to.” Look at definition #1 from the American Heritage Dictionary. It says impoverished. As in poor. Wanting. Like a hobo. A bum. Women look at men that actually want to spend time with them as desperate, guilty of the unforgivable sin of not having other romantic options. Unfortunately, men have bought into the belief that trying to be a gentleman, or being up front and not playing mind games (hey, you gave me your number, so I’m going to use it to CALL YOU! What a concept!) makes a guy some kind of weakling or “wussy.”

Listen ladies - maybe that guy is calling you not because he needs to talk to you, but because he wants to. Maybe he simply enjoys conversing with you. Maybe he bought you that gift because he thinks it would make you happy, and making you happy makes him happy. It has nothing to do with being weak or being devoid of options. The female chemical imbalance that we established in Chapter 1 creates women like my coworker, who considers calling more than once weekly a form of Neediness. Instead of blaming her ridiculous judgment on her own insanity, she blames the man and diminishes him for being “needy.” It needs to stop, but since women will most likely never stop being insane, men need to wise up and stop playing into it.

Men, never lose sight of the truth: if a woman is attracted to you, she will display that to you. But don’t feel ashamed to return her affections. While it’s probably suitable to wait a day or two after getting her phone number before calling her (although she’ll probably call you first), don’t think that acting on your desire to contact her or make her happy makes you weak in any way. Treating a woman nicely and with respect doesn’t mean you are needy, despite what women (and some men) believe and want you to believe. If a girl should leave you because of your “neediness,” she is the one with the character flaw, not you. She will never admit that she is at fault, so she’ll have to emasculate you. Again, her flaw, not yours.

So, the postscript on my two coworkers?

A) My female coworker soon broke off her fledgling relationship with that particular man. Perhaps he had the audacity to phone her twice within seven days. She ended up seriously dating another man for about a month, before he cut off contact with her. She called him frequently with no response for over a month. He finally called her to tell her that he wasn’t ready for the “pressure of being a boyfriend,” and that they needed to “take a break.” She’s still waiting for the break to be over.

B) My male coworker dated his beautiful girlfriend for several weeks, constantly talking about her and showing pictures of her to all of us at work, before she unexpectedly gave him the “let’s just be friends” speech after returning from a family vacation. Keeping true to female form, she stopped speaking to him altogether and they are no longer friends. The life was crushed out of him temporarily, but he’s back on the prowl, and hopefully not being “needy” enough to actually call any women.

So Chapter 5 finally comes to an end. The Myths of Man have been exposed and smashed into dust. And what are they, again?

1. Game
2. C-blocking
3. The Wingman
4. Platonic Friends
5. Neediness

Remember them. Write them down. Tattoo them across your knuckles if you have to, but never lose sight of them. The further you get away from them, the closer you will be to achieving complete manhood.

But why do men create such destructive myths? It comes from the male’s intense need to feel that he has control of romantic/sexual/courtship situations. Rather than admit that he’s completely at the mercy of women, he develops ghosts like “Game” and “The Wingman” to stand by his side and give him confidence. “Am I just plain lucky to be better looking than other guys? Nope, I have Game.” “Were my buddy and I just in the right place at the right time? Nope, he was my Wingman and we worked together to get laid.” “Hey, she dumped me because of my Neediness, not my physical unattractiveness, so if I get rid of the Neediness, women will like me!” Please, for your own sake, drop the Myths and embrace reality. And don’t start tomorrow. Start now.

Believe it or not, The Indisputable Truth is in its home stretch. But the next entry may turn it upside down. Come back soon for Chapter 6: “EXCEPTIONS to The Indisputable Truth (No Way!).”

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 4

WARNING: We all want to believe in fairy tales. We all truly want to believe that the stories of our lives, especially the ones involving romance, will end happily. But if you haven’t learned that that’s not the way real life works by now, you just haven’t been paying attention, and you may be beyond help. Since your faithful SOG is no quitter, I will continue to push down hard on that pillow that I’ve placed over the face of the fairy-tale-romance idea in hopes that it will get one step closer to death if I can’t kill it outright with this entry. For those who still want to believe in fiction, this may be the most disheartening thing you’ve ever read.

After another long sabbatical, TIT has returned. Whoa, did anyone else notice that acronym? Sweet. Rest assured my little break from TIT (hehehehe) has not mellowed me at all. I warned you about fairy tale scenarios, and this one may be the most heinous of all: man befriends woman he has a strong attraction for, they become close and she confides her deepest feelings in him, he watches for years as she dates other men and his heart is torn to pieces, after one final fruitless relationship she realizes the man she was looking for was right in front of her all along, the two best friends take their union to the next level, they do it, both live happily ever after.

It’s so sweet, isn’t it? This Myth of Man continues to keep foolish males clinging to false hope like an imaginary lifeline. I think it’s about time it was cut.

4. “Platonic Friends”

Now before anyone misunderstands me, I’m not stating that the idea of being platonic is a Myth. It is certainly possible for a man and woman to be platonic friends, and not just if one or both of them is overweight and/or unattractive and/or Freefall Jones-esque. A perfectly healthy, pain-free friendship can be had even if there is a physical attraction between the two parties. The Myth is the belief that a man can use a platonic friendship with a woman to lead to something deeper - that if he gets close to her, earns her trust and becomes a companion, she’ll eventually “see the light” and give him what he’s been looking for from the beginning.

Wow, it seems so easy. So easy that I was once naïve enough to believe it. “Okay, she doesn’t seem into me physically, but I can still be friends with her, and maybe down the line my personality can win her over. Even if it doesn’t, being platonic is better than nothing…”

AH! I feel so ashamed! Like everything I’ve preached in The Indisputable Truth, I learned this lesson in the hardest way. But I’m so much smarter for it.

As I’ve reiterated many times, women decide if men are potential boyfriends or not on sight (with very few exceptions that will be covered in the future). There’s no process involved. She looks at him and thinks “yes” or “no.” The “yeses” don’t always lead to romantic/sexual relationships, but the “nos” NEVER lead to romantic/sexual relationships. If a woman you’ve befriended hasn’t attempted to push your friendship further within a month, or even sooner, YOU ARE A “NO.” Yes it sounds terrible, but it can’t be fought. If you don’t try to escalate the relationship, she will. Remember what we established in Chapter 1, women cannot hide their emotions. Not for a month, or a week, or a day, or 10 minutes. They might try, but they can’t do it.

As I said earlier, it is possible for a physical attraction to exist between a man and a woman in a platonic friendship. Yes, when that single, unattached female friend that you’ve been pining over for the past three years tells you that you’re good-looking, she may not be blowing a thick plume of smoke straight up your tailpipe; she may actually mean it. But be assured – that physical attraction from her is slight. The reason she hasn’t pursued anything bigger with you is because while she finds your appearance somewhat acceptable, she believes that she is out of your league. Yes, you’re pretty nice to look at, you make her laugh, she trusts you and you get a long fabulously. But she knows that there are many more, much better looking men readily available for her to date. Think about this: if a juicy, sizzling prime rib of beef smothered in sautéed mushrooms is sitting on a plate just to your right, would you make the quick turn and dig in, or would you settle for the lukewarm McRib sandwich right in front of you simply because it’s in your direct line of sight? Yes, you’ll gladly take the sandwich if it’s all you can afford, or you’re stranded on a desert island, but if you have options you’re going to shop around. That’s what’s going on in her mind; it may be conscious or subconscious.

Hoping to turn a platonic friendship into a deeper relationship is not only completely futile, it is emotionally damaging. That sharp pain you feel right at your core every time your female friend talks about how she can’t find the right man, or tells you about a date she was on, or tells you about the wild no-strings-attached sex she had with a guy she’d known for about an hour the previous night, or tells you what she’s looking for in a boyfriend (which can be the exact opposite of everything you offer, or worse, the exact same), doesn’t disappear. It chips away at you. It might feel like it subsides for a time, but it lingers. It’s just being shrouded by the vapor that is human beings’ unending desire to believe that fairy tales can come true – much like spraying perfume on week-old, maggot-ridden, sun-baked roadkill. Before long you’ll be questioning your own worth, screaming on the inside of your skull, “WHAT ABOUT ME??? I’M RIGHT HERE IN FRONT OF YOU!!! WHY CAN’T YOU SEE THIS???”

The really bad news is that she knows all this. She can see you, and if she has half a brain, or unless you’re a really good actor, she can tell that you want to be with her, and she probably always could tell. But you still never crossed her mind as a mate, and most likely never will, because she crossed you off her list as soon as she met you.

How many of us men has gotten the “let’s just be friends” speech, in one form or another, from a woman we’ve wanted to date? I have. Why do you think it hurts so much and is so humbling? Because we know deep down that “let’s just be friends” really means “let’s just avoid any and all contact with each other for the rest of our lives.” She doesn’t find you attractive and she never will.

If for some reason she’s been oblivious to your desires throughout your friendship, trying to escalate it will only make her uncomfortable and cause her to end the relationship altogether, either the moment she gives you the “let’s just be friends” speech or gradually, slowly dissipating the contact between you until it’s totally gone. And as hurtful as that situation is, it’s for the best. Never seeing or speaking to a girl you want to date is infinitely less destructive than maintaining companionship under the concrete stipulation that it will never get beyond that.

Here’s the bottom line: if your platonic female friend had attraction for you, especially intense physical attraction, you wouldn’t be platonic friends. You would’ve “hooked up” at the start. She would’ve tried to push your friendship into romantic/sexual waters, and you would’ve reciprocated. Those kinds of relationships don’t “blossom” from friendships, despite what movies may tell you. Sometimes romances can be downgraded to friendships, but not the inverse. If attraction is not immediate, it’s non-existent, and it cannot be created, especially not by being a “good friend” to her.

I’m guessing that there’s many a man’s eye welling up with tears right now over my demolition of this Myth of Man. Yes guys, you really have wasted the last few years of your life trying to get your platonic friend to “turn the corner” in your relationship. But all is not lost. Your best course of action is to end the friendship and spare yourself any more pain. It’s not easy, but it’s the first step to rebuilding yourself as a man. She’ll get over it. Remember, if she really cared that much about you, the relationship wouldn’t be platonic.

Always keep in mind what I said at the beginning of this chapter; being platonic friends with a girl is fine; even being platonic friends with a girl you’re attracted to is fine. But if you really want this girl, and you really want to be with her, a platonic friendship is nothing more than a yellow-brick road to suffering. While it may seem pleasurable, the end of it is not somewhere you ever want to be. In fact, most men just keep walking through the pain and humiliation thinking that the destination is ahead, not realizing that they’ve actually reached it and there’s nowhere else to go, not from this path anyway. And if you’re on it, do yourself a huge service and jump off.

The epic Chapter 5 of TIT (hehehehe) comes to a smashing and eye-opening conclusion with Part 5: “Neediness.” I hope all my fans haven’t died of old age by then…

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 3

WARNING: Men, unlike the previous chapter, this one isn’t aimed at you. This chapter is pointed straight at your friends. Your pals. Your buds. Your bruthas. Your homies. Again, it’s something you may not want to hear, but you must. And if you have any friends at all, it may cause you to sever your ties with them. It’s a small price to pay for The Indisputable Truth.

This has been the longest break from my masterwork I’ve ever taken. My life has taken many twists and turns since my last chapter, and I felt the need to take a sabbatical and recharge my power cell before going back on the attack. But don’t make the mistake of thinking that my stance has softened. If anything, I feel more strongly about this subject than ever. The third of Myth of Man about to be obliterated is something near and dear to the male heart, so it is with some hesitation that I drive an adamantium stake straight through it.

3. “The Wingman”
The Wingman (a friend/companion that accompanies a man on his mission to achieve intercourse) is intended to serve multiple purposes. Probably the most important one is simply making his friend feel at ease with approaching women. It’s far easier to be charming when someone with whom you have an existing rapport is by your side. You can relax. You can joke. You can be yourself (but remember what we’ve said about that).

Another objective of The Wingman is to make the target more comfortable. For some reason yet to be discovered by even the most accomplished psychologists, women get unnerved when they’re hit on in environments like night clubs and singles bars, WHERE THEY KNOW THEY’RE GOING TO GET HIT ON. They travel to these places in order to meet men, but when a woman is approached by one, she thinks “Oh no…he’s hitting on me…” and her defense shields get activated. And yet, for another heretofore unexplained reason, being approached by two men or more eases her tension and discomfort. The best thinking behind this reaction that a sensible human being can piece together is that the female thinks that a conversation between three more people is not a sexual/romantic come on; it’s a social congregation. She feels less like a target and more like part of a group. She’s conversing with two or more people that are there to enjoy each other’s company and just decided to invite her in. And if she should pursue any kind of relationship with one or more of the men in the group, it’s something that happened “naturally” and not the result of a plot to “score” with her.

Finally, The Wingman may provide very tangible and technical assistance to his friend, such as introducing him to his target, singing his praises to impress her so he doesn’t have to brag about himself (maybe even while pretending not to know him), or perhaps collaborating with him on any elaborate jokes or magic tricks he wants to perform.

As usual with Myths of Man, this one seems perfectly logical. And it would work just fine if we were dealing with people that weren’t chemically imbalanced. Yes, your Wingman may make you feel more comfortable when speaking to a girl, but your comfort level has nothing to do with your attractiveness to her. If she finds you physically appealing, she will make you feel more comfortable by laughing at your jokes, paying close attention to everything you say and generally being attentive. Remember, as I said in the last chapter, a woman will fix her attention on the man that has the surface traits that she wants. The better looking guy will just happen to be the more charming, interesting guy. If you’re that guy, then your Wingman will just get in the way. If your “Wing” is that guy, then you know where you’ll be. If she finds you both unattractive, then having two of you in front of her is not going to make her any more aroused. It’s basic mathematics: 2 x 0 still equals 0. In fact, the number of physically unappealing men trying to interact with her will just double or triple a woman’s discomfort.

In the instance that you’re handsome and your Wingman is not, he may even damage your cause if your target believes that she has to entertain him as well as you, or that her friend will have to spend time with him as she and you get to know each other. Depending on her options (her attractiveness and the number of attractive men around her), she will most likely move on to another handsome man that doesn’t come with the less-handsome baggage.

The concept of The Wingman evolved into what it is today out of men’s desperate need to feel responsibility in the courting process. Even if a man doesn’t have success with women himself, he still wants to believe that he had a hand in someone else’s success. In the male psyche, the opportunity to say “I got my buddy laid,” or “I helped him get her” is a perverse point of pride. It’s like being part of a winning team. Only in this game, there’s no trophy that every teammate gets to keep for a week, there’s no pay increase for being on the triumphant squad, there’s no shared glory. Only one man wins. Think about that one of your “friends” asks you to be his Wingman.

As you can probably tell, it’s not the existence of The Wingman that’s a Myth of Man, technically. Men have been trying to assist each other in the pursuit of love/sex for centuries. It’s the idea that The Wingman actually helps that’s complete fallacy. Adding a Wingman can only be a detriment to your cause.

If you’re the good-looking one, The Wingman will be nothing more than a fifth wheel, adding unnecessary conversation that your target will ignore. And as stated, he may even cause her to look elsewhere. If he’s a good friend of yours, and you’re a half-decent human being, you’ll be concerned with his feelings after you leave him alone to be with a girl that’s only interested in you.

If he’s the good-looking one, he will draw all her attention from you even if he’s trying to help. And you will feel a whole new level of Freefall Jones-esque inadequacy as he and the girl(s) you’re attracted to make you shrink into social nothingness.

Never forget: the woman will choose, on sight, the man/men she wants to spend time with, and discard the ones she doesn’t. She’ll blow Wingmen out of the sky before they even have a chance to get in formation, and let her preferred pilot live to fly again.

But don’t, by any means, take this as an order to abandon your friends and only go out alone. You should attend social events with your comrades. They make (or at least they should make) everything more enjoyable. But do it because you enjoy their company, not because they’re going to improve your status in any way. Don’t use them as tools to get you where you want to be with women. First, it’s seedy and dishonest, and second, it DOESN’T WORK.

If you consider yourself a good Wingman, I’ve hated to be the one to shatter your delusions of grandeur…nah, not really. You need to face reality and give your friend(s) more credit for being attractive. If and/or when you’re day arrives, it won’t be because of who’s flying beside you. It will be because you had a better plane than anyone else.

This is almost getting too easy, but despite the lack of challenge I’ll be back for Part 4, to crush the life out of “Platonic Friends.”

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 2

WARNING: As with the last chapter of The Indisputable Truth, a lot of men may disagree with this one. Not because it reminds them of their faults/limitations, but because it removes a popular alibi from their repertoire. It’s an excuse men have fallen back on for centuries when confronted by their own irreversible unattractiveness. But after this, I hope you’ll all see how hollow it is.

After Chapter 5 – Part 1, I admit I became greatly distracted by the wonders of Dramatic Chipmunks, Furniture Humping, Rude Awakenings, Scraper Bikes, and of course, Chocolate Rain (along with the rest of the F’ing country, it seems). But I’m back on track, jack, and ready to attack…the second Myth of Man. It never stood a chance.

2. “C-blocking”
Also called “throwing salt,” or “salting” for some reason, C-blocking is the act of interfering with a man’s attempts to convince a woman to have sex with him, or even to be romantically connected to him in any way.

One example: a man is talking with a woman in a bar. The conversation is going well and the woman is clearly interested in the man. Another man who desires the same woman decides that he is going to have her for himself, or at least keep the first man from having her. So Man #2 interjects himself into the conversation – drawing the woman’s attention to himself, insulting or poking fun at the other man, and generally trying to make himself sound like the more interesting/desirable of the two.

It’s a truly underhanded tactic, and sometimes it appears to work. A man will “swoop in” and snatch a lady right from out of your grasp. An even more infuriating situation is when this bastard doesn’t even get the girl himself; he just keeps you from getting her. That is the true definition of a C-block.

But men, don’t subscribe to this myth. It’s a crutch. You think you’re on the verge of intercourse, another guy joins the party uninvited and you end up sleeping alone. After that it’s very easy to scream, “That asshole C-blocked me!” It seems logical enough. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask) this explanation holds no water because the act of C-blocking is a figment of the collective imagination of a lot of frustrated men. It can’t be used as an excuse for being single, because it doesn’t exist.

At the risk of sounding repetitive – and sadly I feel I must repeat this over and over because so many refuse to believe it – women choose who they want to be with, not men. A man’s behavior is inconsequential in his quest for companionship/romance/vagina. A male cannot “take” a female, not from another male, not from anyone. She chooses who she leaves with, her decision is made instantaneously, and in case you’ve forgotten, it’s based on surface traits. The man with the superior surface traits will be the one that gets her attention, plain and simple. She will engage him in conversation. She will listen to what he’s saying. She will laugh at his jokes. And she will continue the relationship in whatever way she chooses.

I have another one of my patented real world tests for anyone that’s still naïve enough to doubt me. The next time you’re in a social situation (it will actually work in any situation, but this is the most common one), and you’re trying to converse with a woman, preferably an attractive one, invite a man who’s significantly more handsome than you into the conversation. He doesn’t have to be a friend of yours, but it would better if he is because you can instruct him beforehand to just stand there in silence.

Here’s what will happen: the woman you’re speaking to will be completely fixated on the other man. He could behave like a deaf mute, while you could be at your charming, funny best, and it won’t matter. Your thoughts and comments will be ignored, or heard and swiftly brushed aside as she proceeds to try to find out everything she can about your good-looking friend. And rest assured, if he decides to crack a joke she will laugh. Hysterically. And rest assured, you won’t be going home, or anywhere for that matter, with her. Don’t believe me? Please try it. Then come back and declare me your dark lord and master.

The above scenario and others like it are guaranteed to play out exactly the way I described. Now think about the handsome gentleman in that situation. Did he “C-block?” Did he “steal” the girl away, or actively stop the other man’s progress in any way? Of course not! He was just being handsome, and the woman acted the way all women act.

The only way you can be C-blocked in such a scenario is if you allow it to happen. As I’ve made very clear, if a woman is into you, she will clearly let you know and the conversation will come easily. If another man forces himself into the picture and you run off, or recoil, or fall silent because you’re thinking “This guy C-blocked me,” you’ll most likely not get the girl and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT. Of course, if the female finds you really physically attractive she will make an extra effort to continue her interaction with you while ignoring the interloper. But if you’d rather focus on the other man, then you’re sinking your own ship.

Unfortunately, if the so-called C-blocker is better looking than you, you’re just plain out of luck. You will disappear, and the object of your affection will turn her attention to him. You should move away before wasting any more time and energy. But that is not C-blocking; it’s just life – The Indisputable Truth. Never forget, the female will choose the male she wants to talk to, and talk to him. Only you can allow a C-block.

All that said, since it’s established that C-blocking is nothing more than a Myth of Man, should we excuse the men who attempt it? By all means, NO.

Think about this: if a man attempts to steal your wallet, then accidentally drops it before he can get away, do you continue to trust and associate with this man because the theft wasn’t actually completed? If he is successful in taking you wallet, but it happens to be empty, do you forgive him because you had nothing to be stolen in the first place? Absolutely not. What’s important is the man’s intention. He tried to steal from you. He tried to keep you from getting the girl. He wanted you to be miserable.

So if a girl is clearly interested in you and another guy tries what he thinks is a C-block, pay him no mind. Continue your interaction with the girl and ignore any awkwardness the scoundrel tries to create (just remember that he wants you to be uncomfortable and lose your cool, but she’s there to talk to you). Or better yet, let him into the conversation, just enough to know that you’re aware of his presence, like you’re aware of a fly buzzing around your head. Stay calm and collected, keep your focus on her and things will play out in your favor. Then after you’ve collected her phone number, turn around and powerbomb that wannabe C-blocking dickhead. Men have enough problems in this area without having to worry about other men stabbing them in their backs.

Men, if you’ve been unsuccessful with the opposite sex this may be difficult, but you’re going to have to jettison the “I was C-blocked’ excuse into deep space. You’ll be better men for it.

I’ve got the next Myth of Man squarely in my crosshairs, so come back for Part 3 to see the total annihilation of “The Wingman.”

P.S. Freefall Jones sucks.

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 1

WARNING: I’m probably going to make a lot of enemies with this chapter. Men have been roaring in approval and agreement with The Indisputable Truth since Chapter 1, but this entry may go over about as well as a motivational speech from Heidi. I obliterated the fiction of women with my first assault, but throughout my journey I’ve been slowly chipping away at the fantasies of men as well. And unfortunately guys, this is where they go down in flames.

Because this chapter is very involved and I want you to give serious thought to each Myth (and also because it’s been about three years since I posted my last chapter and I need to get SOMETHING on this damn blog), I’ve broken it up into parts. Part 1 will probably be the most disputed, but if you read it slowly and carefully, you’ll see that I’m making perfect sense, just like I have been from the beginning.

The Myths of Man – EXPOSED!

Part 1. “Game”
The Undisputed (or is that Indisputable?), Undefeated Champion of Heinous Man-Myths. I’m sure you’ve all heard of it. Also known as “Mad Skillz, Yo,” “Game” (and it will never be mentioned by me without quotation marks) is a man’s alleged ability to convince females to become attracted to him using nothing but his personality. According to popular folklore, a man with “Game” can be physically underwhelming or financially destitute and still, literally, talk any or almost any woman into finding him desirable. Yes, a man with “Game” can talk a woman into going out with him, coming home with him, or doing pretty much anything, including things that she didn’t plan or want to do before they met.

The myth of “Game” has been infecting the consciousness of men for centuries, clouding their judgment and leading them to emotional ruin. And yes, there are plenty of men throughout history who have thoroughly believed in “Game,” and have been very successful with women.

Case in point: one of my more delusional coworkers (and there are quite a few) who is quite a hit with the ladies and is positively certain that it’s due to his level of “Game,” recently explained to me his foolproof system for getting girls to accompany him to his apartment.

His system? Cooking. He would brag about the fact that he knew how to prepare food to “unsuspecting” females, leading them to question his culinary skills, which would give him the opportunity to “challenge” them to return to his home with him so he could prove his boasts true, and subsequently have his way with them. This ploy would fall under the envelope of “Game.” Sounds sensible enough.

My friends, let’s think about this situation for a moment. Try to put yourselves in the heads of these young women my coworker was “cooking” for. Can you honestly believe that his only intention in asking you home is to show you what a quality chef he is? Honestly? And does anyone honestly believe that these girls didn’t know what he was planning? This may sound strange coming from me, but no woman is that thickheaded.

Before any aspiring foodies out there try to emulate my coworker’s approach, let me save you a little time, a little energy and a lot of embarrassment.

Any girl that went to his apartment had made her decision before he launched into his “cooking” spiel. She saw him, deemed him attractive, and just waited for the invitation. Of course, as discussed in Chapter 2, girls absolutely must play their mind games before getting down to the brass tacks. The invitation had to be phrased as an indirect, “sly,” yet oh-so-obvious inquiry. Anything other than “Do you want to accompany me to my residence and have intercourse?” would’ve worked (although that may have worked as well).

My coworker could’ve said, “I have a stamp collection at home; you want to come over and see it?” And she would’ve been walking out the door with him. Conversely, an unattractive man could be Bobby F’N Flay in the kitchen and there is STILL no chance of him convincing a female to come home so he can confirm his abilities to her.

Again, put yourselves in the female mind. If you had to, what would you rather tell people, and yourself, the morning after a tryst with my coworker: “He said he could cook for me and I wanted him to prove it, one thing led to another, and we ended up in bed,” or “I knew this guy for about an hour, and he asked me back to his place to have sex with him and I said yes.” Women need excuses, even incredibly transparent ones like “cooking,” to keep themselves from looking and feeling “easy.” The excuse can be weaker than Freefall Jones’s bench press; a handsome man just has to say something, anything and she’ll be open to it. And an unattractive man literally can’t say anything to evoke the same reaction.

The fact that “Game” only works for men that are attractive proves once and for all that “Game” is nothing more than a Myth of Man.

Come back soon (within the next three years, at least) to see me expose the next Myth of Man in Part 2: ‘C-Blocking.”

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 4

WARNING: All right students, recess is over. We’ve all had a lot of fun in the last month butchering the romantic reputation of one of our own and forcing him into self-imposed exile. The lesson he learned was a harsh, but necessary one. Alas, life experience must be supplemented with formal teaching to gain true knowledge, so it’s back to class. Much like my last chapter, this one may be unsettling to men. So those of the Y-chromosome must clear their minds before reading on, as it may crush those with delusions of grandeur.

Before getting into the proverbial meat ‘n potatoes of this chapter, I want to start off with a few visual aids – sort of a full-color Rorschach test (that’s the one where a psychiatrist shows the patient inkblots, and I’m SURE many of my readers are familiar with it). Please look at the images carefully and think about what you see.

Study this young man. See the impeccably straight bill of his baseball cap, the shimmering, expensive jewelry in his ear and of course, that menacing sneer. Are you intimidated?


Here we have our very own Langdon Alger.* His facial expression is not nearly as fierce as the previous subject’s, but it’s more than compensated by his urban headwear and “East Coast/Side” gang sign, a clear symbol of a hard upbringing and take-no-prisoners attitude. You wouldn’t want to run into this guy in a dark alley, would you?
*May or may not be Langdon Alger.

Not to be outdone by his fellow YODC contributor, it’s Freefall Jones.* Here he proudly “represents” his rough street background with braided hair, not one, but TWO gang signs and a luxury car behind him that might even be his. With his anti-establishment, F Tha Police mentality, women want him and men want to BE him. Right?
*This most definitely is Freefall Jones.

Now take a look at these gentlemen. Their fashion sense is clearly similar to the others’. Their baseball caps are turned to the side and have arrow-straight bills. They’re wearing large amounts of loud, flashy jewelry. One of them even has headwear like Langdon’s.

Quiz: what’s the difference between the men in this fourth image and the ones in the first three? Your choices are:

A. The first three homies got it goin’ on.

B. The bruvas in the forf picture is a little bit harder.

C. They’s all lookin’ straight gangsta to me, yo.

Answer: if you chose any of the above, you’re completely wrong (and your English is terrible). The correct response is: The men in image #4 are exactly 400 trillion times more intimidating than the previous three.

But why, you ask? They seem to be cut from the same cloth. Well, my faithful SOGamaniacs, the answer just happens to be the title of this chapter.

The Man Makes the Clothes or - You Can’t Shine a Turd.

The statement is quite simple; wearing stylish garments does not guarantee that a man will look stylish. The “men” in the first three photos are all striving to project a very particular image – a threatening one, a dangerous one. Yet they are all roughly as threatening as a baby in a beaver suit.

Those in the fourth photo are attempting to project the same image, and if a sensible human being saw them coming, that human being would not only cross the street, he or she would cross the state line, head for the nearest airport and board a one-way flight to the other side of the country.

All too often men make the mistake of trying to emulate other men. They see a male who’s successful in attracting females and think, “If I wear the same kinds of clothes he does, or get the same haircut, or behave like he does, women will react to me the same way!”

But this sad delusion goes far deeper than simple accoutrement. Because the fact is that The Man makes much more than just the clothes. The Man makes everything that women claim to find desirable. Chapter 1 of The Indisputable Truth already outlined in detail what ladies look for in men. Chapter 2 revealed what they don’t look for despite claiming the exact opposite. The fact of the matter is, the two go hand-in-hand.

Guys, have you ever been in a social setting, or any setting for that matter, and noticed that when a good-looking man tells a joke, all the women within earshot laugh? No matter how poorly timed, tasteless, inappropriate, unimaginative or flat out unfunny the joke may be, the girls will laugh. Guaranteed. Can you recall seeing a handsome man completely enrapture women with stories about nothing particularly memorable? You know you can. Do you think it’s a coincidence that the traits women allege to seek out: confidence, sense of humor, intelligence, honesty, kindness, etc, just happen to be carried in great amounts by physically attractive men?

One sentence proves my point beyond all doubt: Women think Brad Pitt is a good actor. I repeat, women think Brad Pitt is a good actor. They really believe it, when it is an undeniable, not to mention clinically provable fact that Mr. Pitt couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag with a hole in it. If you possessed the same level of ability at your job as Brad Pitt does at his, you’d be more fired than Tsuji Eriku.

Tom Hanks is a magnificent actor, and not an unattractive man by any stretch of the imagination. But the truth is if Brad Pitt looked like Tom Hanks, he wouldn’t be a Hollywood leading man, he wouldn’t be making tens of millions of dollars for his services, and he wouldn’t be fouling Angelina Jolie with his talentless seed. He’d be living with his parents, watching porn and posting to this blog. Brad Pitt’s one and only “skill” is being remarkably handsome. But don’t point that out to women. They’ll refer to Pitt’s razor-sharp comic timing in “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” or his commanding presence in “Troy.” They’ll deem “Legends of The Fall” an “epic,” when in reality the movie should’ve been titled “Brad Pitt with Long Hair and Riding a Horse,” because there was really nothing else happening in that puddle of cinematic cat urine. Of course, these women will always end their defenses of these stinkbombs with something equivalent of “He was SOOOOO hot.”

There’s nothing wrong with watching a film or television show to see a physically attractive star. Langdon Alger’s infatuation with Jessica Alba crossed the border of being disturbing long ago. And though his obsession has reached the point where we should all be concerned for young Jessica’s well-being, even he can admit that if roles were cast based solely on acting ability, Jessica Alba wouldn’t make it into a Manny Pacquiao movie. I don’t remember ever hearing Alger refer to “Honey,” “Idle Hands,” or “Fantastic Four” as “epic,” although is self-stimulation sessions after seeing them probably were.

Like The Clothes, The Man makes The Talent as well. In women’s eyes, a handsome man on the silver screen is automatically a skilled actor. Unfortunately, this kind of thinking permeates real life. Women want a good sense of humor? The handsome man is automatically funny. Intelligence? The handsome man automatically has brainpower in excess. Charm? Charisma? The handsome man automatically has it all. This explains why his banal, pedestrian attempts at humor draw hysterical laughter from women, while your clever, witty quips make them go coldly silent, or stare at you as if they want to pull out your vocal chords with a staple decleater.

Men, we’ve all encountered many other men who were horrible human beings, yet had no difficulty attracting the opposite sex. These men are surly, dishonest, disrespectful and sometimes even abusive toward women, yet the females continue to line up for their attention. And when we ask these ladies what they see in these guys, the answer is always the same: “He’s misunderstood. The person you see is not the person he really is. He’s a good person on the inside.” Meanwhile, you’re a good person on the outside and the inside, and your genitals are slowly disappearing, natural selection evolving them right out of existence for their lack of use.

The bottom line is this: in the minds of women, good outside (appearance) equals good inside (personality). It is not the man’s behavior that a woman responds positively or negatively to; it is the man himself. If a girl likes what she sees she will, consciously or subconsciously, seek out and ultimately find the personality traits she claims to desire. She really will believe that the handsome man is funny and intelligent, that the abusive handsome man is a “good person on the inside,” and that Brad Pitt is a talented actor. Conversely, if a man’s appearance doesn’t impress her, she will somehow find in him all the character aspects that she says turn her off. It’s sort of a self-defense mechanism to keep them from looking and feeling less shallow than they really are. After all, what sounds more substantive to you: “We have nothing in common,” or “I don’t want to talk to that guy because he’s ugly”?

Although more proof of this chapter’s point is not necessary, I want to provide one more example. This one involves the aforementioned Ms. Alba. As you may or may not know, Jessica is engaged to a gentleman named Cash Warren, and by all accounts the relationship is a happy one. How did this man get one of the most beautiful, sought-after women in the world to fall in love with him? What is it about him that makes her swoon? Heck, how did he even get her to speak to him? What did he do to “break the ice,” so to speak? She explained in an issue of People magazine last year:

“He approached me and gave me a love letter, and he signed his name with a dollar sign – because his name’s Cash.”

You read that correctly. I’m not making this up. He signed his name with a dollar sign. WHAT KIND OF TACKY, NEANDERTHALOID MENTAL MIDGET SIGNS HIS NAME WITH A DOLLAR SIGN??? Ahem…allow me to compose myself. Ever the investigative journalist, I’ve managed to obtain a copy of this love letter. And in all fairness, it’s easy to see why Jessica’s heart was set aflutter by this marvel of romantic composition:
That’s it guys; that’s all it took. Any one of us could’ve won Jessica Alba’s love if only we had the charm and wit to sign our names with dollar signs. I have to hand it to Mr. Warren (soon to be Mr. Alba); I never would’ve thought of that one. Oh by the way, does anyone think that Jessica may have found this magical love letter more alluring because it came from a very handsome man? No, that couldn’t be it. Please men, start including dollar signs or other clever symbols in your signatures and the beautiful women are SURE to be aroused, no matter what you look like.

I’ll close chapter 4 with a bit of advice. Remember the second part of the chapter title – a turd that’s been polished with even the most powerful varnish will never cease being a piece of fecal matter. As the subjects of our first three photographs show in graphic detail, wearing certain kinds of clothes or acting a certain way (and I stress the word acting) will not change who you really are or how you appear to women. An ugly man is an ugly man, with precious few exceptions (which will be covered in the near future). However, don’t by any means look in the mirror and think, “I’m a turd! There’s nothing I can do to attract women!” You may indeed be a turd, and if that’s so there is indeed nothing you can do about it, but it’s not up to you to determine your turdliness. By their actions, women will make you well aware of how much of a turd you are or are not. Your opinion of yourself has literally no bearing. Buying clothes or behaving in ways solely intended to impress females will not help or hurt your circumstances; they’ll just strip you of your dignity. Don’t worry men – you’re not going insane. That abusive chick magnet that you know is not a “good person on the inside.” He’s just as much of a slimeball as you think he is. The handsome man’s jokes that leave girls in stitches are just as puerile and unfunny as they sound, maybe even more so. Your jokes are witty and your personality is interesting. Don’t let women tell you what is charming or clever, because they quite frankly have no idea. To put it all in microcosm, good-looking men can get away with anything, including abuse, humorlessness, unfaithfulness and signing their names with dollar signs. Unless you’re one of them, these actions will only lead to personal and romantic ruin. And that’s jus’ keepin’ it real, paht-nas.

-$on of Gigan

Be on the lookout for Chapter 5: "The Myths of Man - EXPOSED!"