Aug 9, 2007

The Indisputable Truth about Women, “Romance” and why you will never ever get a girlfriend. Chapter 5 – Part 2

WARNING: As with the last chapter of The Indisputable Truth, a lot of men may disagree with this one. Not because it reminds them of their faults/limitations, but because it removes a popular alibi from their repertoire. It’s an excuse men have fallen back on for centuries when confronted by their own irreversible unattractiveness. But after this, I hope you’ll all see how hollow it is.

After Chapter 5 – Part 1, I admit I became greatly distracted by the wonders of Dramatic Chipmunks, Furniture Humping, Rude Awakenings, Scraper Bikes, and of course, Chocolate Rain (along with the rest of the F’ing country, it seems). But I’m back on track, jack, and ready to attack…the second Myth of Man. It never stood a chance.

2. “C-blocking”

Also called “throwing salt,” or “salting” for some reason, C-blocking is the act of interfering with a man’s attempts to convince a woman to have sex with him, or even to be romantically connected to him in any way.

One example: a man is talking with a woman in a bar. The conversation is going well and the woman is clearly interested in the man. Another man who desires the same woman decides that he is going to have her for himself, or at least keep the first man from having her. So Man #2 interjects himself into the conversation – drawing the woman’s attention to himself, insulting or poking fun at the other man, and generally trying to make himself sound like the more interesting/desirable of the two.

It’s a truly underhanded tactic, and sometimes it appears to work. A man will “swoop in” and snatch a lady right from out of your grasp. An even more infuriating situation is when this bastard doesn’t even get the girl himself; he just keeps you from getting her. That is the true definition of a C-block.

But men, don’t subscribe to this myth. It’s a crutch. You think you’re on the verge of intercourse, another guy joins the party uninvited and you end up sleeping alone. After that it’s very easy to scream, “That asshole C-blocked me!” It seems logical enough. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on who you ask) this explanation holds no water because the act of C-blocking is a figment of the collective imagination of a lot of frustrated men. It can’t be used as an excuse for being single, because it doesn’t exist.

At the risk of sounding repetitive – and sadly I feel I must repeat this over and over because so many refuse to believe it – women choose who they want to be with, not men. A man’s behavior is inconsequential in his quest for companionship/romance/vagina. A male cannot “take” a female, not from another male, not from anyone. She chooses who she leaves with, her decision is made instantaneously, and in case you’ve forgotten, it’s based on surface traits. The man with the superior surface traits will be the one that gets her attention, plain and simple. She will engage him in conversation. She will listen to what he’s saying. She will laugh at his jokes. And she will continue the relationship in whatever way she chooses.

I have another one of my patented real world tests for anyone that’s still naïve enough to doubt me. The next time you’re in a social situation (it will actually work in any situation, but this is the most common one), and you’re trying to converse with a woman, preferably an attractive one, invite a man who’s significantly more handsome than you into the conversation. He doesn’t have to be a friend of yours, but it would better if he is because you can instruct him beforehand to just stand there in silence.

Here’s what will happen: the woman you’re speaking to will be completely fixated on the other man. He could behave like a deaf mute, while you could be at your charming, funny best, and it won’t matter. Your thoughts and comments will be ignored, or heard and swiftly brushed aside as she proceeds to try to find out everything she can about your good-looking friend. And rest assured, if he decides to crack a joke she will laugh. Hysterically. And rest assured, you won’t be going home, or anywhere for that matter, with her. Don’t believe me? Please try it. Then come back and declare me your dark lord and master.

The above scenario and others like it are guaranteed to play out exactly the way I described. Now think about the handsome gentleman in that situation. Did he “C-block?” Did he “steal” the girl away, or actively stop the other man’s progress in any way? Of course not! He was just being handsome, and the woman acted the way all women act.

The only way you can be C-blocked in such a scenario is if you allow it to happen. As I’ve made very clear, if a woman is into you, she will clearly let you know and the conversation will come easily. If another man forces himself into the picture and you run off, or recoil, or fall silent because you’re thinking “This guy C-blocked me,” you’ll most likely not get the girl and it will be ALL YOUR FAULT. Of course, if the female finds you really physically attractive she will make an extra effort to continue her interaction with you while ignoring the interloper. But if you’d rather focus on the other man, then you’re sinking your own ship.

Unfortunately, if the so-called C-blocker is better looking than you, you’re just plain out of luck. You will disappear, and the object of your affection will turn her attention to him. You should move away before wasting any more time and energy. But that is not C-blocking; it’s just life – The Indisputable Truth. Never forget, the female will choose the male she wants to talk to, and talk to him. Only you can allow a C-block.

All that said, since it’s established that C-blocking is nothing more than a Myth of Man, should we excuse the men who attempt it? By all means, NO.

Think about this: if a man attempts to steal your wallet, then accidentally drops it before he can get away, do you continue to trust and associate with this man because the theft wasn’t actually completed? If he is successful in taking you wallet, but it happens to be empty, do you forgive him because you had nothing to be stolen in the first place? Absolutely not. What’s important is the man’s intention. He tried to steal from you. He tried to keep you from getting the girl. He wanted you to be miserable.

So if a girl is clearly interested in you and another guy tries what he thinks is a C-block, pay him no mind. Continue your interaction with the girl and ignore any awkwardness the scoundrel tries to create (just remember that he wants you to be uncomfortable and lose your cool, but she’s there to talk to you). Or better yet, let him into the conversation, just enough to know that you’re aware of his presence, like you’re aware of a fly buzzing around your head. Stay calm and collected, keep your focus on her and things will play out in your favor. Then after you’ve collected her phone number, turn around and powerbomb that wannabe C-blocking dickhead. Men have enough problems in this area without having to worry about other men stabbing them in their backs.

Men, if you’ve been unsuccessful with the opposite sex this may be difficult, but you’re going to have to jettison the “I was C-blocked’ excuse into deep space. You’ll be better men for it.

I’ve got the next Myth of Man squarely in my crosshairs, so come back for Part 3 to see the total annihilation of “The Wingman.”

P.S. Freefall Jones sucks.


Freefall Jones said...

Looking back, I wonder how many girls we could have bagged had we worked TOGETHER instead of against each other? Answer: still ZERO.

Guillermo Paco Castro Jimenez DelaSantos Reyes Jr. said...

sorry Langdon, I guess you can't use your "cock block" excuse anymore when we hang out in public :-(

Langdon Alger said...

then stop walking around with your "thing thing" hanging out!!!!!

Langdon Alger said...

AND it doesn't matter if its in public or not...its just wrong!

Son of Gigan said...

Guillermo, I think you should powerbomb Alger anyway.