AN EXCITING breakthrough in aging has just been discovered -- women who go topless live longer!
"According to our research, women can add 10, 20, up to 30 years to their lives, depending on how frequently and for what duration of time they uncover their breasts," states Dr. Andrew Mansfield, director of BRIA -- the Breast Research Institute of America. "And the more they display them out in public, the longer they live."
"The results are frankly astounding," says Eleanor Zeitzer, founder of the International Institute of Aging Studies. "And as a result, we've amended our company's dress code to allow female employees to work topless. Almost all of them have taken advantage of this new freedom, and as an additional positive result, absenteeism of male employees is down to zero." High-school student Peter Strokemeir, 17, looks forward to the survey's results motivating more women to go topless. "I spend an average of two hours a day looking through my binoculars and telescope trying to catch women undressing in their apartment windows. "If more of them would start walking around with their gajoombas on display, I wouldn't have to spend all that time on research."
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