While sitting atop my jeweled throne, pondering things that only I am capable of pondering, I came to a sobering realization: this blog bores me. It’s become repetitive, derivative, negative, and every other “ive” word you can think of. I’ve found it increasingly difficult to sleep at night knowing that all of our readers have to trudge through pages and pages of drivel to reach literary masterworks like Terror of the Drop Bear.
My first decision was to blow this nerd hole. But realizing that all the readers would come with me, it pained my cyborg heart to leave the other bloggers with nothing. Without the attention they so desperately crave, they would shrivel up and become wrinkled, empty, prune-like excuses for human beings. Kind of like Freefall Jones.
That’s a fate worse than death. So for the sake of this blog and its posters, I am not leaving. But I will REINVIGORATE THIS PLACE. The idea hit me like a bolt of lightning from the heavens. I will break the norm, step outside the box, and bring culture to all you mindless husks that call yourselves bloggers by introducing you to the STARS OF JAPANESE POP MUSIC.
Japanese pop music is also known as “J-Pop” (which is short for “Japanese Pop”), even in Japan. Not many people have heard of it, but it has fascinated me for a long time. While my mind is especially expansive, I think the rest of you are finally ready to accept J-Pop the way I have. I’ve even gone so far as to develop a technology that embeds a VIDEO CLIP in my posts, linked from an obscure website I discovered.
My first video is from a new J-Pop group known as “Puffy AmiYumi,” consisting of two young ladies whose names are “Ami” and “Yumi.” The song is called “Talalan,” which apparently is Japanese for acid trip. The song chronicles the travels of an anthropomorphic polar bear who mauls a farmer while chasing animated versions of Ami and Yumi, presumably to maul them too. I won’t spoil the cliffhanger, but I will state one unequivocal, indisputable fact: if you watch the Puffy girls perform their choreographed dance in this video, and not get the urge to leap through your monitor and just gobble them up, YOU HAVE NO SOUL.